Image by Devin Pacholik
Barack Obama, president of the free world and father of at least one cool, smoking teenager, released his summer playlist. Artists like Chance the Rapper, Beach Boys, and Fiona Apple appearing on the POTUS' playlist makes you realize he is the chillest person…who has access to nuclear weapons. Canada politely waited—as we do—for our hunk Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, to drop a list of his favourite tunes in response.
But no. Our sexy, boxing, tattoo’d PM has yet to release a playlist. Isn’t this 2016, Justin!? We needed answers. Noisey spent an afternoon making calls to government officials, CSIS, and CBC to find out what Trudeau is listening to. No one knew anything, especially CBC.
So instead we projected our minds into the Canadian zeitgeist to imagine what Justin Trudeau’s playlist might look like. Thanks to recent investments in Canadian science, we are 100 percent sure the list below is what our handsome leader has been listening to this summer.
Top5 - “Shirt off On Any Block”
Justin Trudeau hates wearing shirts so much, Canada’s money now feature's photos of just his nipples. No numbers or anything. Only nips. Rumour also has it the folds of his abs house a den of pandas and library of feminist literature.
Snoop Dogg feat. Wiz Khalifa - “Kush Ups”
This song combines the Prime Minister’s love of upper body strength and dank buds. As of writing this, weed is still technically illegal for recreational use in Canada, but we are also all technically baked af.
Drake, but only the goofiest cover versions
Trudeau likes to hang, but he also wants to be funny, but not too edgy. All of these qualities are on display in this version of Drake’s most annoying song poorly sung by cops.
Anything by Sophie Grégoire-Trudeau
Can you blame Sophie Grégoire-Trudeau for trying to kick start a singing career? If her husband didn’t have access to the country’s secret maple syrup vault, Sophie would be sending mixtapes to Noisey for review. Sophie, we know you’re reading this. Send us your mixtape.
The Weeknd - “Can't Feel My Face”
Trudeau and the Weeknd go way back. Plus, sources tell us the Prime Minister most often sings “Can’t Feel My Face” while weeping on Obama’s voicemail.
Gary Alles and the Canadian House of Commons - “Do the Fuddle Duddle”
This song has a story. Justin’s dad Pierre once ruled Canada. During a heated moment in House of Commons in 1971 (the year Justin was born), Pierre supposedly mouthed “fuck off” to the opposition party. In textbook Trudeau style, Pierre explained he actually said “fuddle duddle.” And then last year his snitch son explained to Maclean’s, “He didn’t actually just say ‘fuddle duddle.’” Gasp.
Willow Smith - “Whip My Hair”
Have you seen Trudeau’s hair, though? It’s so nice!
Buffy Saint-Marie - "Sing Our Own Song"
This is just a good song!
Fujiya & Miyagi - “Uh!”
This is, uh, an obscure song but, uh, Justin Trudeau says “uh” a lot when he speaks.
This has to be on here according to Canadian federal law.
Justin Bieber - “Sorry”
Trudeau has been heard singing this song after elbow dropping his political opponents.
Devin Pacholik does the Fuddle Duddle in Saskatchewan. Follow him on Twitter.