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350-Pound High School RB is the Absolutest of Units

Joshua Johnson of Calumet New Tech is 6'2" can also throw bombs downfield.
Screen capture via Twitter/@MaxPreps

Ah, yes. The size of that lad, and so on and so forth. The meme is getting tired, but this man isn't—never have we feasted our eyes upon the absolutest of units until now. His name is Joshua Johnson and he can do just about anything.

Johnson is a high school senior at Calumet New Tech in Gary, Indiana, and must be running (surprisingly quickly) through nightmares of his opposing teams. He is listed at 6'2", 350-pounds and has been tasked with what looks like doing everything. Like a small-town mayor, he is also the fire chief, police chief, head librarian, and principal, it seems.

Just check out this highlight reel of him running like a truck—he has rushed his 1/6th-ton self 144 yards on 12 carries this season so far, for a robust and mathematically pleasing 12 yards per carry—and then playing quarterback out of the wildcat formation for some long bombs:

It's unclear how the man will stack up against college-level linemen—not to mention the NFL—but for now, we can truly say: we are in awe.