Jesus Christ, Wetherspoons, has it come to this? We were all so behind you. Sure, you were low-key Tory, and your extremely cheap booze couldn’t be ethical, but you were cheap, endearing, and unassuming. The carpets! Each pub has a different carpet design. So sweet. This is why we loved you, see? For your cheap nachos, budget beer, and sick, bespoke carpets.
But that time has come to an end now, Wetherspoons. You started putting those goddamn beer mats out about Brexit, and then came the editorials in your in-house magazine about “bringing back control,” and then, I mean, we fucking left the EU, didn’t we? You got rid of Champagne. You banned dogs. And now this.
As reported by the Metro, Wetherspoons announced today that it would be removing Jägermeister from all its pubs, replacing the German digestif with a British-produced spirit named “Strika.” Very little information is to be found online about the new brand—which sounds like it was banned in 1970s Soviet Ukraine for making people’s eyes bleed—apart from the Wetherspoons website, which describes it as a “herbal liqueur” produced in England. The pro-Brexit pub will also be removing two French brandies, Courvoisier and Hennessy, in exchange for E&J Brandy from America and Black Bottle, an Australian spirit.
The announcement comes after news earlier this week that the pub chain would be enforcing a strict no-dogs policy across all its locations. This, of course, has nothing to do with Brexit but is just really, really shit.
Tim Martin, founder and chairperson of Wetherspoons, explained in a press statement: “This is a significant move by us and highlights our commitment to offering an excellent range of UK and world products, with the emphasis on quality and value for the two million customers who visit our pubs each week.
“In blind tastings conducted by Wetherspoon,” Martin continued, “the new products were more popular than those they are replacing.”
Anyone for a, er, “Strikabomb”?