One Man's Genius Plan to Fix the "Boring" NBA

This is a real letter from a Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reader. @JSComments pic.twitter.com/6B1ZISis1P
— Matt Bergs (@MCBergs) July 5, 2015

Tom Vohla has some problems with the modern NBA game. But Tom Vohla is not a whiner, he is a man of action, a man with a plan. Given the dimensions of the playing surface, Vohla has developed a three-pronged approach to combat the issues plaguing the NBA—namely the increased size, skill, and relative wealth of today's players.

Point the First: No more tall players. If you are over 6"4', you're out. No more centers in the league. Or forwards. Basically, only scrappy point guards from Australia will be allowed to play. They will not be allowed to get rich.

Point the Second: This one is fairly intuitive, especially in light of the first prong. No more dunking. I think we can all agree that it gets burdensome to continually watch stuff like this happen:

To crib from my boy Tom Vohla: BORRRRRING. Imagine, if you can, an NBA where this player and play do not exist. [Kisses fingertips with a flourish of total satisfaction] Ah, the good stuff. It's time to get back to basics and make basketball interesting again by banning these stupid plays.

Point the Third: Again, the design here is kind of amazing in its simplicity. We need to bring back good outside shooting. You might think the weeks following Steph Curry's destruction of the previous record for three-point shooting in a single postseason would be a weird time to say something like "bring back quality outside shooting," but that's because you are not a visionary. What happens when rosters are full of average-sized dudes who probably couldn't dunk anyway, even if it were not outlawed in NBA 2.0? You bring back quality outside shooting. In fact, you force it back, sink or swim style.

After those minor, totally reasonable adjustments, the league will finally resemble basketball the way it should always be played: homeless Jimmy Chitwood and the gang shooting the lights out in a barn or something.

h/t @KennyDucey