Rihanna Floated Angelically Above Everyone at the 'Vogue' Paris Anniversary Fête

This year marks the 95th anniversary of Vogue Paris. To celebrate, the fashion bible toasted to itself at a chi-chi Parisian club, and the fête was hosted by none other than whoever is the French version of Anna Wintour. Similar to a high school reunion, exclusive parties for the chic and famous are always full of familiar faces that you never really wanted to see again and Vogue's was no exception. Jared Leto was there (he dyed his hair pink and literally would not shut up about it), as was Gigi Hadid, better known as "one of Taylor Swift's friends." It was a night full of drinking, dancing, and absolutely no actual French people.

The party began with the red carpet procession, figuratively speaking, of course. (This is actually a black carpet.) Celebrity spottings included Rihanna and Kendall Jenner. This guy, however, is just one child sitting on another child's shoulders in a trench coat wearing a hyper-realistic fake beard. He told a super model that he was Marc Jacobs to get her to pose with him.

Here, we see musician Kanye West with friend and collaborator Travis Scott who, at the time, was in what West described as a "depression induced haze." West carried Scott onto the "red carpet" like a baby as Scott nuzzled his head into West's chest, effectively hiding his face from photographers. When West's arms finally gave out, Scott laid facedown on the floor for a few minutes, before finally agreeing to stand up and have his photo taken, as long as he didn't have to show his face.

Also in attendance was Hailey Baldwin, daughter of Stephen Baldwin, who is Alec Baldwin's brother. She's what we in the industry like to call "a celebrity three-times removed." She wore a beautiful beige dress complete with built in cargo pockets for easy snack storage. A fun fact about this dress is that it is actually made from the leftover outfits of the late Steve Irwin (aka The Crocodile Hunter), as well as some flesh from his actual corpse.

Looks like we finally found Carmen Sandiego.

Here, we see Kanye West in a state of pure misery. The rapper is flanked by Jared Leto on the right and photographer Terry Richardson on the left. "I thought Jay Leno and the guy who invented American Apparel would be cooler than this," he whispered to me as photographer Terry Richardson moved in to get a quick feel of Kanye's penis size.

Michael Moore was kicked out of the event shortly after entering. "Super size this, mother fucker," said one security guard as they threw him out the door. Nobody heard Moore shout "I didn't even make that movie!" through his sobs.

After Rihanna allowed a few photos of her to be taken on the "red carpet," she spent the rest of the party angelically floating above everyone, smoking blunt after blunt. She looked both graceful and totally at peace. We are still unsure whether this majestic, elegant gown gave Rihanna the ability to float, or if she was just born with the ability to float. Neither would be surprising.

Kanye West, confused and upset by his inability to reach, let alone smoke, Rihanna's weed, spent a large majority of the party jumping towards her. He insisted that if he jumped enough times, eventually he would be able to "double jump" (a move which only occurs in the video game Super Mario) and grab the blunt right out of her hands.

Meanwhile at the kid's table…