Happy birthday, Leo. You’re exhausting, and we’re obsessed with you.
Leos are gregarious leaders of the pack. They probably chew with their mouths open, and always need a Band-Aid. They might not be the first person to arrive at the function, but they’re the life of the party and the ultimate hype man in love, work, and whatever else you need. We love the way you rally us to go out on a Tuesday night, Leo friends, and we’ll never forget the time when you threw hands at a Libra to get the best stuff at the estate sale (you deserved that six-foot-wide mirror), because you are a doer. You are a conjurer of high-energy vibes, and your season is nigh. That’s why Leos deserve a party—as well as a showering of presents that speaks to their pride, flair for drama, and predisposition to light things on fire.
What to gift a Leo, though? If only we could crawl inside the flame-filled brains of Danielle Steele, Kate Bush, or any of the other iconic lions born from July 22 to August 22. (Leo Cara Delevigne’s horny, lion-motif-filled home tour is a good start, though.)
Here’s exactly how to spoil the Leo in your life for their birthday, whether they’re a meat-loving Shania Twain fan (they are) or a whisky-drinking lover of extra-rumbly sex toys (they also are).
Step #1: Set the scene with...
… A literal pedestal
Put them on it. Find a spotlight, and hunker down for the night.
What they’re drinking
Your Leo’s birthday party should be filled with Aperol spritzes, Champagne, tequila, and the DIY experience of unboxing a spicy cocktail kit (or, should they be a teetotaler, a sexy, non-alcoholic spirit such as Kentucky 47). In the words of 311: Amber is the color of your energy. Give Leo the next best thing to drinking the sun.
What they’re eating
Personality, volume, and stature are key points to keep in mind when deciding how to feed your Leo. Get a cake that’s saturated with rum, and serve up some beef carnitas from Belcampo; plate some kimchi to make mouths water, and break out the spice rubs for the grill.
What’s on the record player
Fellow Leos Mick Jagger, Ginger Spice, and Coolio are the hot bops tonight. And if you don’t have a turntable, here’s how to pick a record player for every budget, according to an angelic vinyl snob at Amoeba.
Step #2: Shower them in gifts
Loud sex toys
And we mean loud in every sense of the word. Je Joue is a high quality sex toy brand whose vibrators are famous for their rumbly motors. You may ask why would you want a rumbly motor in your sex toy—and the answer is: It’s hot, dude! It’s also loud-quiet, and the vibrations hit deeper. The brand makes one of the best rechargeable bullet vibrators out there (a rarity in bullet vibes, which usually use batteries). Throw a whip in for kicks.
“How did you know I’m a fire sign?”
If you’re gifting your Leo apparel, make sure it competes with the sunshine that wakes you up in the morning when you’re hungover. And if your Leo has a penis, gift them the famous David Archy underwear that lifts, but does not flatten one's junk (they’re a cult favorite in the online symposiums on how to make one's penis feel and look bigger).
Because they rule karaoke night
… And that’s OK on their birthday.
A (portable) ring of fire
If they’re the outdoorsy type who shops at Huckberry, gift them the internet’s favorite traveling fire pit by Solo Stove. If they’re the barfly or homebody type, gift them a Tsubota Pearl lighter that will sit pretty on the coffee table—and in their hand when they’re lighting up a cig.
Who is pulling the pork? Baby is pulling the pork, with their meat-shredding claws. They’re also perfect for tearing through chicken, coleslaw, dirt—you name it, they shall shred.
The closest thing to the sun
… Is their shining face in this mirror, which is really more of an art object. It's definitely a high-budget piece, but it’s also the perfect gift for a Leo who is moving into a new home, and looking to put down roots with pride in their digs.
This Shania Twain outfit, specifically
“The best part about being a Leo is the prerogative to have a little fun.” –ST
A golden chalice
See you again come Virgo season. It will be less exhausting (but get ready to bring your itemized planner.)
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