The first big awards show of the season aired last night, with Sam Mendes' WWI thriller 1917 and Quentin Tarantino's ode to 60s cinema Once Upon a Time in Hollywood taking home Golden Globes for Best Picture. The night featured host Ricky Gervais phoning it in with his usual jerk schtick, winner Phoebe Waller-Bridge doubling down on her unabashed thirst for Barack Obama, drunk actors, and earnest speeches from winners like Patricia Arquette and Michelle Williams speaking on climate change, reproductive rights, and other major issues like the fires in Australia. Those are just some of the highlights, but the biggest winners of the night were the Hollywood legends rocking sunglasses indoors.
Polite society has previously agreed that wearing sunnies in a place where there is no sun is a faux pas of the highest order. (Unless of course wearing them is medically necessary.) But after last night's Globes, the rules must be rewritten. Henceforth, it’s acceptable, and even encouraged, to wear sunglasses indoors if (and only if) you’re a legendary Hollywood actor over the age of 50.
Robert De Niro spent a partial part of the evening seeing the room through, what are those… transition lenses?
Tim Allen also went with the subtle tint, though it probably didn't help the conservative comedian see through his own problematic bullshit.
De Niro's Irishman co-star and celebrated grunting old guy Al Pacino went full shade.
He looks like if an aging Wolfman started playing bass in a Black Sabbath cover band. How can you not stan?
The Hollywood statesmen of The Irishman were coordinated in their protective eyewear lewks. Harvey Keitel also donned the look of a don.
This is classic, venerable New York statesman chic. Uncle Junior, but make it fashion.
Succession's Brian Cox took home the Best Actor in a Drama Series statuette, and accepted his big gold object while wearing purple-tinted, clear-framed glasses.
Luckily, the tint wasn't too dark to catch Jason Momoa airing out his beefy guns.
Look at those! Worth a kiss from daddy, don't you think?
There may be a reason these elders of entertainment protect their peepers under the harsh lights of the stage and cruel honesty of high-definition digital camera. This was apparent when Elton John introduced his biopic Rocketman, nominated for Best Picture, Musical or Comedy, alongside longtime songwriting partner Bernie Taupin. Both kept it cute in glasses tinted red for John and blue for Taupin.
That is until Sir Elton, struggling to read the teleprompter, removed his glasses and revealed his true, un-bespectacled form.
Oh nooooooo. Seeing the exuberant singer sans shades was shocking, upsetting, and gave off strong Darth Vader-removing-his-helmet-while-at-the-DMV vibes. Elton John should be revered for all he's given the culture and for being a true hero for the LGBTQ community, but hoo boy, this was a lot to take in. Keep the lenses on, Rocketman.
Eddie Murphy looked cool as hell wearing his shades inside the Beverly Hilton's grand ballroom. Even Meryl Streep had to finesse cheek-to-cheek from him.
Thus far, we've only given male Hollywood luminaries a pass for indoor sunglasses, but I'm not a sexist monster. Patricia Arquette looked extremely cool accepting her Best Actress in a Drama Series globe. Just look:
This is skatepark mom realness. Who knew Zumiez transitioned from daywear to evening wear?
Wearing sunglasses indoors: officially sanctioned for use by the Hollywood elite during awards shows. :bangs gavel:
Giphs via NBC/Giphy