I Ate a Ton of 'Libido Gummies' to See What Would Happen

Hey fellas, you know when you’re at the bar with your buddies knocking back a few cold ones and someone mentions how they’re in dire need of some male libido enhancers? No? (Maybe you need new friends.) Well, it’s a thing that happens—trust us—but before you send them to the gas station or smoke shop for some questionable dollar store Viagra substitutes, take advantage of humanity’s incredible scientific achievements in the “get your dick hard” space and opt for a quality, clinically tested product instead.

Let me cut to the chase: I was offered samples of ASYSTEM’s new Male Libido Gummies, and, always the curious type, I didn't say no. Developed in collaboration with the sexual wellness pioneers at Maude, the gummies are described by the brand as an “all-natural, daily solution to enhance sexual arousal and function,” according to the product description.

Now, I exercise regularly, and while I’m known to have a few pints from time to time, I’m a generally healthy, happy guy in my mid-20s—so why would I ever need to take male libido gummies? Well, dear readers, ASYSTEM has the answer, along with a few use cases. Under the convenient “Why You Need This” tab, the brand lists depression, traumatic events, and anxiety as causes that have contributed to decreasing sex drive in both men and women in recent years. ASYSTEM also reminds guys everywhere that starting at age 30 [panics; opens calendar app] men start seeing a “nominal drop in testosterone” every year. So, while I’m not 30, depressed, anxious, or traumatized [my psychologist enters the chat], I said, meh, what the hell, and gave them a shot. I got a 32-count starter pack and set off on my journey. 

Self-dubbed “the most advanced natural libido enhancer on the market,” Maude x ASYSTEM Male Libido gummies target “common, male physiological roadblocks to desire” by claiming to increase blood flow, naturally boost testosterone, and alleviate stress. The active ingredients are an adaptogenic, natural test-boosting soup, including ​​S7, tribulus terrestris, pine pollen, zinc citrate, magnesium citrate, Maude x ASYSTEM Libido Complex, and something called an ”ocean mineral blend.” On top of that, the gummies appear to be carbon negative, since the brand partnered with Sea Trees to “regenerate coastal ecosystems that remove more CO2 than the product emits.” 

The instructions say to “Chew one gummy to enhance arousal, continue taking daily for best results,” so I did. But, as with some brands of gummy vitamins, they tasted a little too good to just eat one. Made with real passionfruit, the low-sugar, gluten-free, vegan gummies were dangerously delicious, and I had to hold myself back from snacking on more than one per day. In fact, I failed to do so, and thought that I might be rendered a sex maniac as a result. 

Perhaps thankfully due to my lack of self control in consuming the gummies, after polishing off my month’s supply, the results were… a bit underwhelming. While I literally felt nothing and noticed no difference in any aspect of my life, I would like to reiterate that they tasted great. Like, really great. 

My TL;DR is thus: I’m definitely not the target demographic for these bad boys—but if you are, I’d definitely give them a shot. The science-backed list of ingredients (specifially S7, which is clinically shown to increase nitric oxide by 230% and plays a crucial role in sexual arousal by relaxing gentle muscle tissue allowing them to fill with blood) inspires confidence and looks a whole lot more legit than the last pack of Samurai-X pills you bought in college on a “dare.” 

Libido gummies can be purchased at ASYSTEM.

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