Like water, self-administered copulation, and the advent of toilet paper, music is one of life’s saving graces. But you know what’s apparently not great about music? Auto-Tune. Half the comment sections on the Internet pontificate that its existence is a scourge on today’s music.

There are Facebook groups protesting the tool, T-shirts that read “Auto-Tune blinds us from the truth”, and articles investigating its negative impact on the music industry. Vitriolic reactions to Kanye West and Paul McCartney’s recent collaboration focused heavily on the vocoded vocals. There are high profile skeptics too, including: Jay Z, who claimed Auto-Tune was turning the “recession” into the “great depression” on a song called “Death of Auto-Tune“, Nirvana, Pixies and Slint producer Steve Albini who, in an article for the A.V Club, said it was “depressing” that the “production gimmick” allowed artists to “hide the fact that they were bad singers”. Even Death Cab for Cutie got involved, in one of the most LOLORIFIC moments in history, when they wore baby blue ribbons on their lapels to the Grammys to whine about Auto-Tune’s proliferation in music. The tool is treated like it’s a conspiracy – as though the major label overlords are on a mission to infiltrate popular culture and dumb down the next generation – not a tool to create better music.

Cher introduced the sound on her smash-hit single “Believe” in 1998 “California Love” “PYT” everything Listen to Len’s “Steal my Sunshine” isn’t coming up with more metaphors and similes than an English language text book Polica singer Channy Leaneagh alluded to the Telegraph in 2012

Yet, there’s still a belief that artists who use Auto-Tune are devoid of talent. When Kanye West was announced as a headliner at Glastonbury earlier this week, a change.org petition appeared asking the Eavis family to cancel the rapper’s slot and “get a rock band” instead. Supporters of the petition say “watching paint dry would be more entertaining than his auto-tuned bullshit” and by signing, believe they’ve taken “a stand for real music”. But what, exactly, is real music?

X-Factor, now in its twelfth season, is proof that a great voice is not the calling card of a complex and creative mind. And when you consider the amount of technology, software, and techniques involved in modern music, “Real Music” is a one-dimensional concept and, especially elitist, when it excludes the use of Auto-Tune but allows guitar pedals and looping wizardry.

The fart-breathing handgallops, the douchenuggets who subscribe to the idea of “real music” and won’t consider Kanye West or T-Pain talented artists, should disown every piece of music in their collection that isn’t a mono-recording, bootleg, or symphony – music recorded without the use of computer-aided technology. But they won’t. These four-limbed bidets are the world’s biggest hypocrites and I wish they would all group together and fuck off to some abandoned theme park where they can listen to Real Music forever and never bother the rest of the world with their backward thinking again.

You can find Ryan Bassil on Twitter: @RyanBassil