Is it possible to surgically graft a mullet to a can of beer? How about having said beer can emit the piercing cry of a bald eagle each and every time it's drunk from? Better yet, can we just replace the water in the beer with the tears of Kid Rock?
These are just a few of the questions that came to mind after hearing that beer behemoth Anheuser-Busch InBev plans to rebrand Budweiser under an entirely new name, "America." Or, at least they plan on doing so temporarily, for this election season.
According to a filing with the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau, A-B InBev sought approval on new labeling that replaces Budweiser with "America" on a limited-edition of its 12-ounce cans and bottles. The packaging would be in place from May 23rd through the end of the presidential election in November. An advertising campaign called "America is in Your Hands" would premiere with national TV commercials starting June 1.
This isn't the first time Budweiser has gotten their patriot on. Previously, it has tried to alight the Budweiser brand with America itself by putting stars and stripes on the bottles. But never before has it gone so far as to try to re-name its brew in the name of the US of A.
In case consumers don't get the over-the-top message, the labels will also include phrases like "E Pluribus Unum," "from the redwood forest to the Gulf stream waters this land was made for you and me," and "indivisible since 1776."
In a press release passed along to MUNCHIES, Ricardo Marques, the vice president of Budweiser, explains: "We are embarking on what should be the most patriotic summer that this generation has ever seen, with Copa America Centenario being held on U.S. soil for the first time, Team USA competing at the Rio 2016 Olympic and Paralympic Games. Budweiser has always strived to embody America in a bottle, and we're honored to salute this great nation where our beer has been passionately brewed for the past 140 years."
Ice-cold bottle of "America," anyone?