Cast your mind back to November 2015 for a second. At the time, news broke that Glastonbury Festival would be relocating from Worthy Farm, it's home of almost four decades, due to something about a gas pipe *extremely Big Narstie voice*. Festival founder Michael Eavis mentioned the gas pipe when speaking to an audience, before Emily Eavis – his daughter, and the event's co-organiser and booker – dismissed his comments as a "misunderstanding".
Michael had previously said that the event would move "100 miles away, towards the Midlands" when it was held in 2019, but in a new radio interview with Glastonbury FM on Tuesday, he also said that it would be given a brand-new name.
So, kiss goodbye to Glastonbury. Never again, beyond 2017, will you be able to say to your mates: "Hey guys, anyone off to Glastonbury this year?" So enjoy that while you can, because from 2019 onwards it will be: "Hey guys, anyone off to The Variety Bazaar?"
That's right, Glastonbury Festival is now The Variety Bazaar. Or, more accurately, 'The Glastonbury Festival team presents The Variety Bazaar'.
"That's a good name don't you think?" Michael said in the interview, admitting that he was taking "a huge risk" by changing the festival's name and location "I've been a risk-taker all my life. In 47 years of taking risks, so far, touch wood, I haven't come unstuck. This might be one risk too far, I don't know."
Then on Tuesday afternoon, Emily shared a message on Twitter that may console Glasto die-hards. "We're still planning an event in the future at a different location," she wrote, "which we are calling the Variety Bazaar. But Glastonbury Festival will always be called Glastonbury and will remain at Worthy Farm!"
It makes sense, I guess. You can't very well have a Glastonbury Festival that isn't in Glastonbury, but it still feels like a knife-twist. The name change confirms all that we knew once and for all: gone will be the idea of one Glastonbury identity, severed will be the ties to Stonehenge, and missing will be the ley lines upon which the current festival site is built – responsible for its cosmic, mythical allure. 2017 may end up as the last year of Glastonbury Festival for a while, until it returns to Pilton after 2018's fallow year, so grab a recyclable cup full of Somerset cider and salute the paradise that it is. In the meantime, we've contacted Glastonbury's team for a comment and will update this story when we hear back.
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Lead image by Jake Lewis.