It's the Time of Year to Bring Back “Nine Inch Noëls," the Best Twisted Christmas Carol for NIN Fans

Head like a ho! ho! hole!
December 20, 2016, 3:05pm

Goth Christmas came early when Trent Reznor made good on his promise of new Nine Inch Nails in 2016 midway through December. Ol' Saint Trent is set to give us a new EP on Friday, Not the Actual Events, plus a series of Shut Up And Take My Money-baiting vinyl reissues of 90s NIN albums down the line. It's enough to make even dead souls after a shit year feel merry. With that kind of holiday magic in the putrid air, there couldn't be a better time to revisit the sick, seasonal favourite of the Ninternet that is "Nine Inch Noëls." We have writer Lore Sjöberg to thank for this bastard medley lovechild of NIN and Christmas classics that first surfaced on his old humour site Bad Gods. You're twisted, man.


Industrial anthem "Head Like a Hole" sung as "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" complete with a chorus of demonic children? "Nine Inch Noëls" delivers! "Hurt" redux as "Little Drummer Boy" with profound lyrics such as "I hurt myself today pa-rum-pa-pum-pum?" You got it! "Closer," one man's family-friendly journey into rampant sex to mask his self-loathing, done up as "Jingle Bells?" That's a bingo! Listen to "Nine Inch Noëls" in full below. And doesn't it make you feel better?

Jill Krajewski used to have a porpoise.  Follow her on Twitter.