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USAGE OF “FUCK” AND “I’LL TELL YA RIGHT FUCKIN’ NOW”Nova Scotians and New Brunswickers are always telling you things “right fucking now.” (The “right” is pronounced “rate.”) Some guy will tell you that he’s going to quit his job if the boss doesn’t give him a raise, and he’ll tell you “right fucking now.” If someone complains that they can’t stand the snow, they’ll tell you “right fucking now.” Technically, since it takes just a teensy bit of time for those words to exit their mouths and enter your ears, you were told right fucking then.Also, if you ask anyone how they’re doing, there’s a strong chance that they’ll tell you… and then tag on “as fuck” at the end. You’ll go, “Hey buddy how’s it going?” And they’ll tell you that they’re either “tired as fuck,” “ready-to-go as fuck,” “hungry as fuck,” and so on. But the mother of all “… as fucks” is the proverbial “drunk as fuck.” Every Maritimer ever in the history of Maritimers has at some point in their Maritimer lives told another Maritimer that they were “drunk as fuck.” I guaran-fucking-tee it.

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GRAMMARPast, present, and future verb tenses are erratically interchanged making it difficult to pinpoint when or what the fuck someone is talking about. Rather than abiding by the normal rules of the English language and saying, “I saw the Batman movie the other day,” Maritimers will say, “I seen the Batman movie this day,” with all the intended meaning of the former.Any maritime native reading this knows that I’ve only gently scratched the surface of a polluted swamp of a lexicon. At the end of the day no matter what part of Canada you’re from, the world will always make fun of us for living in igloos, riding polar bears, and saying “aboot” instead of “about.” Making fun of any given part of Canada while being from another is basically like some kid ripping on another kid in class for failing a math test when they’re both in Special Ed. Every Canadian is equally retarded in their own special way. Except for maybe the Newfies. They’re completely fucked.Follow Gregory on Twitter @GGRPikeWant more guidance?The VICE Guide to AdulthoodThe VICE Guide to Being GayThe VICE Guide to Dating Rich GirlsThe VICE Guide to PartyingThe VICE Guide to Giving HeadThe VICE Guide to Eating Pussy