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JAMIE TAETE'S INTERNET ROUNDUP

MALAWI TO MAKE FARTING ILLEGAL

In a bid to rob its country of the funniest thing mankind has ever invented, the government of Malawi is to make farting illegal. From the Daily Mail:

"The government of Malawi plan to punish persistent offenders 'who foul the air' in a bid to 'mould responsible and disciplined citizens.'

"But locals fear that pinning responsibility on the crime will be difficult - and may lead to miscarriages of justice as 'criminals' attempt to blame others for their offence.""

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Good to see the Malawi Government able to pinpoint the major problems in their society.

OFFICIAL FACE OF COUNTERCULTURE OFFICIALLY SELLS THE FUCK OUT

(via)
Holy shit you guys! Have you seen that Justin Bieber and Ozzy Osbourne filmed a Best Buy commercial together? What is this world coming to!? I mean Justin "Poser Bitch" Bieber hanging out with Ozzy "Prince of Darkness" Osbourne? The Ozzy Osbourne who once bit the head off a bat? The Ozzy Osbourne who once spent 30 years talking non-stop about the time he bit the head off a bat? The Ozzy Osbourne who got paid $20 million dollars to star in a reality show so he could mumble things about biting the head off a bat? I hope Best Buy paid him handsomely for this, because any credibility this man had is now LONG GONE.

MAIN PROBLEM WITH "THE LEFT" IDENTIFIED

Speaking of being outraged, can you believe that people are still demonizing Roman Polanski just because he drugged and raped a little girl? Carla "the world's most indie-est first lady" Bruni can't either. From the Daily Mail (why am I reading the Daily Mail so much?):

"France's First Lady said she was disgusted by the way film director Roman Polanski and arts minister Frederic Mitterand had been demonised by left-wing commentators.

She criticised many of the socialist politicians who attacked the pair and said they sounded like France's racist National Front party.

The 43-year-old said: 'I don't really feel left-wing anymore.

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'There were certain facts, certain commentaries, notably following the Polanski-Mitterand affair.

'I heard responsible socialists saying the same thing as the National Front. It was really shocking.'"

I mean, hasn't the man suffered enough? He was FORCED to leave America and split his miserable existence between the multiple mansions he owns across Europe, all the while continuing to work as a director with the full support of his peers, and he wasn't even allowed to go to the US to collect the Oscar he won. I say it again: has this man not suffered enough!?

Carla is absolutely right. This continued harassment is just racism against people who rape children.

AUDIENCES TO BE GIVEN COMPELLING SOCIAL EXPERIENCES TO ENCOURAGE ADVOCACY (OR SOMETHING)

Three marketing students have discovered how to get gays their rights. From the above video:

"Using Facebook, we let girlfriends tag their boyfriends in our 'balls of pride statement' where we instantly, and casually, communicate the message. With this tag, the couple automatically shares a pair of balls, on the ball wall, our digital ball pit. When we've beaten the current record, our ball pit takes shape outside the digital world. "

Apparently enough marketing jargon, buzzwords and social media strategies can make any problem go away. We should get these guys to think of a killer "search engine optimisation" strategy to sort out that whole Egypt mess next.

P.S. Seriously, what the fuck is this video asking me to do?

JAMIE LEE CURTIS TAETE