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The 13th to 14th of June, The Tattershall Castle (Ship), Victoria Embankment Boat-show! Boat-show! Boat-show! Boat-show! Yeah man, water! Look, Dave, a boat on the water! I wonder what could be inside it. Comedy you say? Well, count me in!If you've read any of these columns before, you may have gathered that I believe live comedy to be the biggest load of shit in the overflowing cesspit that is the British entertainment industry. I'd rather sit and watch one of those guys who sprays themselves silver and stands still for hours than see what "drunken singer-songwriter Loretta Maine" has to say about anything. I think my hatred for stand-up stems from those house party twilight hours, when most people have left and some cunt will go, "Mate, have you seen [insert name of obscure stand-up comedian]? It’s amazing." Then they pull the comedian up on YouTube and you all sit there staring at the screen, not laughing.Anyway, if you like looking out onto the Thames and wondering how many new diseases could be found if you dipped a pipette into it, Boat Show is the place to go. Who knows, something funny might actually happen, like the ship sinking or everyone getting scurvy.WORLD NAKED BIKE RIDE
Saturday the 14th of June, Various locationsLet me tell you something about the human body: it’s fucking disgusting. As someone who’s spent a lot of time on Vine and ChatRoulette, I can tell you with some confidence that the average person's naked figure is essentially a knobbly, vomit-inducing sausage. Guts? gross. Tits? Hard to get right. D and V? Jesus mate, you ever seen either of them up close?
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Saturday the 14th of June, Koko, LondonNothing says "football crazy, chocolate mad" like watching England’s inaugural World Cup performance in a mod-themed venue in north London. KOKO will be screening this sporting monolith on Saturday, and before the boys in red and white get battered by a bunch of philandering racists, you can watch live music from Essex mods Missing Andy – though a separate ticket is required at £5 extra (WORTH IT!).After the disappointment has dissipated slightly, you can enjoy music from DJ Soul Boy Mystic, who – surprisingly, given his name – will be "spinning" a mixture of "indie, rock and pop with a Britpop leaning". To be honest with you, I’d rather lean into a blacksmith’s furnace than listen to that trash pile after watching a game of football. Why can’t people just be left to get pissed in peace?Anyway, thank you for coming with me on this journey. I love you all.@joe_bish
