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MEET THE NIERATKOS - I GOT ANOTHER GIRL PREGNANT

Oh, this is horrible. I generally have a strong policy against feeling bad about anything I do ever but this one is eating away at me. I can't sleep at night, I feel awful. You see, I have impregnated another woman who is not my wife. I feel like Elliot Spitzer or one of the many other famous pieces of shit that gets wrapped up in such scandals. I have a feeling this is going to make things weird between me and my wife. Especially since, you know, our own kid is due in three months.

Not to defer blame, or even insinuate that this is my wife's fault but I will say if it took me and my wife three years to get pregnant and then I instantly get this other girl pregnant, it is safe to say I wasn't the problem in the baby-making equation. Right? But I'm not pointing fingers.

Technically the kid is part mine, I told Mike. I just hoped he wasn't thinking about me when he made it. I also hope that in keeping with my family tradition he names my kid Chris (or Cris, if it's a girl). CHRIS NIERATKO