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Vice Blog

LONDON - CHRISTIAN COMPUTER GAMES

Christian games are always uncomfortable. Playing them is as natural and enjoyable as watching your aunt rub a mannequin's arm against her tits. But, because GTA has convinced some people that the process of playing video games involves pressing your face against a five-second loop of whore-murder with your dick in a Sony-branded milking hose, there's a market for them. The only thing God-shooters like

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Catechumen

, and the output of companies like

Covenant Games

have in common is that they're not very good - so when

Left Behind

, the muilti-million selling post-Rapture fiction franchise released a strategy game, you wonder if the huge budget behind it will force out a decent game…

The original game was released in 2006, to a bunch of awesome negative reviews - the most professional of which focussed on how shit the game was. But there was plenty of other stuff to hate - the "convert or kill" approach to winning a level. The fact that women aren't allowed to do much except sing and pray. One level involves walking past a man playing an electric guitar. If you don't pray, you lose yourself to evil and the Antichrist wins. How awesome is being a Christian?

Keep 'em coming, Left Behind - and don't blame us when your children are bored enough to find Slipknot entertaining.