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Vice Blog

MYSTERY ROD

So far 2010 hasn't exactly been a blinding flury of excitement in the UK. No, I've pretty much just been watching episodes of

(a really slow detective show starring a man so comfortable in his acting career that he doesn't feel pressured to do any acting at all) and trying to figure out what this weird Syrian dildo thing my flatmate got for Christmas does. Help me out here.

What the hell do you measure with letters? Words? My flatmate was given it unwrapped and no-one has a clue what it does. It has one sharpened metal edge (which isn't sharp enough to cut anything,) a sticker on the base saying "Made in Syria," and it's too fat to be a letter-themed letter-opener. What does it all mean?