Should I Be Scared of This?

This article originally appeared on VICE Canada.

Up until a few months ago I was convinced that I had horrible-smelling breath. The kind that causes people to talk behind your back when you leave the room and makes people wonder if it's bad for their health to talk to you. The kind that's so terrible the only explanation is that something tragic happened in your mouth and it's now haunted forever.

This fear, like a lot of them, was a leftover from childhood when my best friend and main bully (ah, childhood, what a time) told me that his parents thought my breath smelled like shit. For the next 17 years, I obsessed over this. Every time I talked to someone in close proximity, I was consumed with worry over what they were thinking. Every whisper I gave was a moment of peak anxiety. Any piece of gum offered to me was met with suspicion.

The worst part? It was all in my head. I found out one night as I was lying in bed with my girlfriend and decided to confront my fear. "Amanda, I need to talk to you about something."

"What is it?" she asked. It was obvious she thought I was about to confess to a murder or an affair.

"Be honest. How bad is my breath? Just tell me."

"What are you talking about? I've never thought that once."

"Oh… well, good to know."

Three years ago, my therapist diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), which is described as chronic over-worrying. I live in a state of constant fear and worry, which loses none of its power even though it is unprovoked and unnecessary. I take medication for it.

At first I resisted a prescription because GAD doesn't sound like a disorder as much as it just sounds like the human condition, like I was diagnosed with "being alive right now." Very quickly, though, the medication helped me realize how many of what I thought were normal worries were actually products of a malfunctioning brain: 98 percent of the fears and dread I had were insubstantial, illusory.

Irrational fears have been a constant companion my entire life, bad breath being just one example. Another was a strong fear of vampires that lasted deep into my 20s. In fact, it lasted until I started taking medication. Vampires. I'm a university graduate, but damned if I didn't think Dracula was going to get me while I was walking alone at night.

Of course, it doesn't take a disorder to suffer from irrational fears, it's just I have a little more practice at recognizing them. And I bet if you were to take the fear you are most embarrassed of and ask a friend about it they would have no clue what you were talking about, like me and my phantom bad breath.

But here's the thing: it's OK to be afraid. I hate that self-help guru "live a life free from fear" nonsense. I can't imagine what it would even be like to be fearless. I like fear. Fear keeps you sharp. It makes you think things through, helps you solve your problems. Fear can inspire you to fight and/or run for your life, depending on where you fall on that particular spectrum. Fear is your friend.

No, I don't think that we should beat or conquer fear. I think that we should fear better. That means not being lazy and assuming you're stuck with the fears you have. I was afraid of pandemics, and news stories about any new flu would make me queasy. Then I examined it closer and realized the truly scary thing about a pandemic to me is that I would get others sick. I wasn't afraid of illness but that I would be responsible for hurting the people I care about.

We live in a golden age of fear. We've never had more interesting or challenging fears as a society. On top of that, we've never had access to more information about said fears. We have a veritable smorgasbord of delicious fears spread out in front of us and each unique, terrifying one, should it strike your fancy, can reveal something about ourselves. So let's not waste our time with the fear-buffet equivalent of filling up on bread by worrying about things like will anyone notice if you don't go to that birthday party.

I'm never going to be a brave person. This isn't an essay for the brave. Brave people can continue climbing mountains or standing up for themselves or whatever it is they get up to. This is an essay for people who've never had a social interaction they couldn't obsess over or a news story they couldn't extrapolate into being about their own doom. To you, my fellow cowards, I say appreciate your fears! Because they are bountiful. Without the baseless fear of having bad breath I never would have started flossing in the shower, which is now one my favorite activities. (Seriously, it's the best. You never forget to floss and you have a reason to stay in the shower for longer. A+.) We, the chickens and wimps of the world, do not have to be courageous. That's not us. We get to walk through the world with the same simple question for every new experience: "Should I be scared of this?"

Jordan Foisy is a stand-up comedian in Toronto.

Follow him on Twitter and check out his new podcast 'Should I Be Scared Of This' at iTunes or brothersdepaul.com.