This article originally appeared on VICE India.
Whether they’re your cuddle-time companions, arm-gruelling evening walk buddies or wet tongue wake-up call, your pets are a part of your family. Yes, they may chew up your shoes and screw up your sofa, but at the end of the day, they’ll always be around. But that’s also part of the problem, isn’t it?
Your furball may be your best bud, but what happens when you bring a significant someone over and suddenly your fuck buddy has more bed privileges than your fluffer, especially since they’re not invited to be a part of your mess-making?
Some studies suggest that cats don’t quite understand us humans the way a dog can, but have their guard up regardless since they see us as a primary survival resource. Others point out that dogs operate on primal instinct and may mistake your compromising position to be a situation that requires saving and immediately pounce to protect you. In fact, some pet psychics and animal experts suggest that your pet doesn’t exactly fully know that you’re getting down and dirty, but sees it as a sort of an exchange of energy and may creep around like a bestie-with-FOMO.
You may be cool with doing it doggy style, but just how cool are you when it comes to actually doing it in front of your doggo? We asked around.
Anil, 25, designer
VICE: Hey Anil, so what’s it like to have sex in front of your dog?
Anil: I’ve had sex in front of my dog and his reaction is hilarious. He gets excited and starts running around. Then he stands on his hind legs with his paws on the bed to see what's up. He's a tiny dog so he can't really jump up, but he'll sit on the opposite bed and stare. Once, I even burst out laughing in the middle of our sesh. Then I kindly asked him to get out of the room. And shut the door. But after that too, he kept sniffing at the door.
Do they always react like this?
It depends from dog to dog. My friend has this dog, who likes to lick cum off his fingers, and loves the smell and taste of it. I personally find that disgusting, but my friend finds it too funny and keeps doing it.
Deepali, 22, student
VICE: Hey hey, Deepali. Can you describe an incident where you did it in front of your dog?
Deepali: I have two dogs—one of them is a stray fluffball and the other is a dachshund. I usually put them in one room when I have guests over, but one day, I clearly didn't close the door properly. I had a guy over and we were in my room getting it on, and suddenly my room door opened and the fluffball came in barking! She's the bigger doggie out of the two so she could easily jump on the bed RIGHT ONTO US while we were in the middle of having sex because she wanted to sniff the guy I was doing it with. Meanwhile, my little one was trying to get on the bed but he's the size of a sausage so he couldn't. Of course, both of us yelled and screamed. The guy went under the blanket and I was completely naked, but I jumped off the bed and ran out of the room in the hopes that they would follow me. Except only the smaller one ran out behind me, while the bigger one refused to get off until the dude gave her a little attention, which he didn’t.
What happened next?
Eventually, I got a towel to cover myself and had to personally carry them out of the bed and into the hall. I gave them treats and locked them up in the guest room, and we continued to do our business. But it was like 10 minutes of absolute chaos and I wouldn’t dare try it again.
Amir, 26, artist
VICE: How’s it going Amir? Ever done the deed in front of your pets?
Amir: I have seven cats and I always have sex in front of them. I don’t think it matters much. Usually, they’re just chilling on the side, doing their own shit. Anyway, I can only concentrate on one pussy at a time.
So you’re totally comfortable with doing it in front of your pets?
Yeah man, it really doesn’t matter to me. All privacy anyway goes out of the window when you’re sharing your space with a pet. And considering my cats often follow me to the bathroom and watch me take a dump, sex is the least of my concerns.
Ananya, 25, marketing manager
VICE: What’s up Ananya? What is it like to have sex with your pet present?
Ananya: It’s creepy because it feels like your dog knows what you're up to and they keep staring at you. But even though it’s a bit uncomfortable, I still feel like you can’t leave them out because they start barking and keep trying to get in otherwise.
How many times have you done it in front of the dog?
I’ve only done it once and it was very, very tough because they keep trying to snuggle up to you, even when you’re in a compromising position. So you have to keep pushing them away and basically be quiet so they don’t hear you and try to join in.
Rahul, 27, writer
VICE: Hey Rahul! Have you ever had sex in front of a pet?
Rahul: My girlfriend has a Persian cat who’s as affectionate as a dog and once we ended up having sex with her present in the room. At first, we were so heated up that we didn’t even notice the cat creep in. When we finally noticed her, she was just looking at us longingly from the corner. We had to stop having sex; it was just too fucking weird. The next day, the cat started pooping all over the house. We’re still worried she got stressed out from watching us bone.
What was so weird about it?
It feels oddly voyeuristic, like someone is just watching you intently and with some sort of expectations. But mostly, it’s because I was shit scared she would scratch my balls off.
Neha, 21, social media manager
VICE: Hello Neha. Have you ever fucked in front of your dog?
Neha: I snuck my boyfriend into my house once, but luckily my dog liked him immediately and didn’t bark or anything. We were pretty high and horny, but as much as we wanted to have sex, I just couldn’t do it in front of my dog. So we played with her and tired her out until she fell asleep under my bed. It was only after that that I felt comfortable enough to do it. It was a bit weird doing it with her right under my bed because I was kinda worried she might wake up from the bed shaking so much, but luckily she didn’t.
Why is it awkward for you to have sex in front of your pet?
I mean, my dog is still a puppy and would probably assume we were just playing but I don’t know how she would react. She’s still teething and I couldn’t risk her coming and randomly licking and biting my feet or ears while I’m having sex!
*All names changed to protect privacy
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