Welcome, and may we be the first to say your balaclava is looking *chef’s kiss* on this fine Friday, better known as the international Day of Deals. We didn’t know you were a skier, but now that we’re sharing a virtual chairlift, would you be so kind as to meet us at the lodge after this run? After all, while nothing in the world tastes better than that first après-ski beer (IYKYK), some of the most savory savings and delicious deals of the week are a tantalizingly close second.
Last week, we laminated our season tickets, sharpened our edges, and e-waddled in our ski boots for miles to bring you the sweetest savings possible on aesthetic cat furniture, cleaning robots, Le Creuset cookware, and more. This week, we’re packing six to seven soggy sandwiches into our Igloo cooler, waking up at the crack of dawn, and making sure you’re in the front of the lift line to make first tracks on some insanely sweet deals, steals, and discounts on vacuums, light jackets, sex toys, and more. Peruse and enjoy—the gnar is calling, and we must shred.
The best Amazon deals this week
It’s time to stop screaming at your glitchy, off-brand Roku or your five-remote tube TV situation and take the plunge—with this 40%-off Amazon Fire Stick, you can turn any TV with an HDMI port into an Alexa-compatible Fire TV. Stream every episode of Euphoria and Maine Cabin Masters until your significant other leaves you for “spending too much time on the couch” and not enough time “being a productive member of society.” (What do they know?)
For the WebMD doom-scrollers out there, you’ve done enough self-diagnosing based on imagined symptoms and 15 open Chrome tabs—instead, pick up this 23andMe Personal Genetic DNA Test (while its 20% off) to learn about your possible genetic predispositions, get your carrier statuses, and receive health and wellness reports.
Listen, we know we’re getting old when we get this psyched about a 78%-off vacuum, but c’mon! This lightweight, rechargeable, cordless vacuum comes with multiple accessories, including a two-in-one brush, an extensible tube, and a long crevice attachment. It’s perfect for small spaces, and our floors aren’t going to clean themselves. (Waiting on you, science.)
ASOS’ ode to light jacket season
We’re almost done with bundle-up season, folks, which means it’s time to
burn your puffer in effigy pack away your big puffer in the closet, and pick up one of these retro windbreakers from ASOS. Both of these would look sick with a gold Casio watch on your wrist, a boom box on your shoulder, and a chopped cheese in your hand.
Ella Paradis’ on-sale prostate massager
Have you been curious about prostate orgasms, but don’t know where to begin? Investing in a best-selling, back-door sex toy can be one of the most fun ways to dip your toe (or your fist!) into anal play, and Doc Johnson’s rotating prostate massager is 34% off right now. It’s meant to be.
Overstock’s semi-annual sale
Don’t sleep on Overstock, dude. It’s filled with just as many rad home decor and furniture pieces as Wayfair and Amazon, and right now many of them are marked down up to 70% off until March 21 for the brand’s semi-annual sale, such as this set of two adjustable wood chaise lounges, perfect for hanging out on the patio—damn, you have a patio?—as the weather warms up.
Lovehoney’s smorgasbord of sales
If you know us, you know we’re Fifty Shades of Grey sex toy stans, and that goes double for the 20%-off lingerie line inspired by the same series. Head over to Lovehoney, one of our favorite online sex toy retailers, and pick up this Captivate Lace Spanking Bodystocking while it’s on sale. “[I] ordered the larger size and gave the outfit a nice stretch before attempting to climb in,” one reviewer writes. “No ripping. Once in, I felt I was immediately transformed into a sexy vixen!”
Look, boys—and anyone out there with a penis—it’s 2022, and if your nightstands aren’t filled with strokers and masturbators, you’re seriously missing out. Legacy sex toy brand Tenga is blessing us with the Flip Zero Rechargeable Vibrating Male Masturbator, which features two vibrating cores with five settings that stimulate you as you thrust deeper inside. (Plus, it’s 20% off at Lovehoney right now.)
Society6’s big sale
Don’t walk—run—and get up to 30% off apparel, bags, tech, outdoor, and lifestyle items at Society6’s big sale right now. Need a welcome mat with an opossum on it? Done. Want a shroomy tote bag to take to the farmer’s market? Easy. A laptop sleeve emblazoned with a picture of tigers enjoying a relaxing evening at the public pool? Don’t insult us.
See you in a quick seven days, folks.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story.