for the Béarnaise sauce:
¼ cup chopped fresh tarragon leave
2 shallots, minced
¼ cup champagne vinegar
¼ cup dry white wine
3 large egg yolks
6 ounces clarified butter
kosher salt (to taste)
for the Kool-Aid glazed asparagus:
1 bunch white asparagus (ends trimmed)
1/4 stick unsalted butter
1 Kool-Aid packet
1 tablespoon white wine vinegar or liquid from reduction of vinegar, shallots, and tarragon (pre-made)
For the turkey Lunchables Oscar:
3-4 Alaskan king crab legs (pre-cooked)
3 1/2 sticks unsalted butter
4 small loaves of brioche, cut in half lengthwise
2 boxes of Lunchables with lean white turkey breast meat
kosher salt & freshly ground black pepper
for the dirt garnish:
*from Lunchables package
1. Start by making the Béarnaise sauce. In a small saucepan, combine the tarragon, shallots, vinegar, and wine over medium-high heat. Bring to a simmer and cook until reduced by half. Remove from heat and set aside to cool. Vigorously whisk egg yolks and vinegar reduction together until texture is ribbon-like. Then pour clarified butter into egg mixture at a slow drizzle fo shizzle. Continue whisking until sauce is thickened. If it gets too thick, stir in more vinegar reduction or use a bit of water to thin it out if necessary. Season with salt and set aside.
2. Next, prepare your asparagus. Cut the bottom ends off, peel the stems of the spears and then add a couple of cups of water into a skillet and simmer the asparagus until cooked. After the water starts to evaporate and the asparagus cooks through, add ¼ of a stick of butter and sprinkle the Kool-aid packet over the asparagus. Mix together and add a tablespoon of vinegar to neutralize the sweetness and finish glazing the asparagus spears.
3. Collect your crabmeat from the pre-cooked King crab legs. (Smashing them open with a dinosaur is optional.) Dice half into small pieces and warm up in a skillet and coat it with melted butter.
4. Next, place brioche halves into a heated skillet with melted butter and toast on both sides.
5. Finally, put the Lunchables turkey meat into a skillet with butter to caramelize and warm the meat.
6. Now you're ready to plate up! Put the toasted baguette in the middle of the plate. To make your dirt garnish, take a small stack of Pringles and a couple of Oreo cookies (using only the cookie part) and cut/crumble them into a fine mixture. Then sprinkle Pringles and Oreo dirt around the plate.
7. Next lay the caramelized Lunchables on top of the baguette (3-4 pieces per sandwich). Now set the warmed King crab meat on top of the baguette and drizzle the butter jus from the skillet over the meat.
8. Add the Kool-aid glazed white asparagus on the side and generously drizzle the béarnaise sauce on top of the asparagus and the crab meat. Finally, add on any finishing touches of fresh greenery, ie. fresh tarragon. Time to engage in gorging!