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Alex Rodriguez Powers Yankees Comeback with Three Home Runs

Alex Rodriguez put on an awesome display of power in Minnesota last night. He is almost 40 years old.

Alex Rodriguez hit three home runs last night—including this majestic blast into the third deck of Target Field—helping the Yankees come back from a 5-0 deficit to beat the Twins 8-5. According to official date provided by me, A-Rod's fourth inning home run traveled 8,943 feet and deposited $1,000 in bank accounts owned by any person who has ever purchased a "FORG1V3" shirt. He is our most potent and benevolent sportsman.


A-Rod also hit a two-run homer to center field in the seventh before tying the game with another dinger to center in the ninth inning. For Yankees fans, he is the sole reason to get up in the morning, but instead of marveling at his power for the 21st through 23rd times this season, we are going to take a look at his bat flip and celebration game.

The bat flip here is not a definitional bat flip; it's more of a bat discard. You've served your purpose bat, and I thank you, but it's time for us to part. Mostly, because I am not allowed to run around the bases with a bat in my hand, but also because dropping it like this—with an exaggerated hand release—is boss, and I am a boss.

And as for a celebration, we've got Smirking Troll A-Rod. Following that monstrous home run in the fourth inning, A-Rod allowed himself a brief moment of joy as he rounded the bases. The faintest smile flashed across his face to let you know that A-Rod is in fact enjoying his I'm Back and Fuck You All tour across the country.

Monday is A-Rod's birthday. He will be 40 years old and it looks almost inevitable that he winds up with 30+ home runs this season as the driving force of a Yankees offense many thought he'd have a hard time even finding a spot on. His return to form has compelled some to ask whether he is on the level. Whether we should believe A-Rod. To me, the more important question is: what if he hits 40? Can he hit 50? I mean, he could probably finish with 60 home runs this season if he really wanted to get flashy.