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Shane Warne Believes Aliens Turned Monkeys into Humans

"Maybe they turned a few monkeys into humans and said 'Yeah, it works'."
February 15, 2016, 9:57pm

This article originally appeared on VICE Sports UK.

You might know Shane Warne as a legendarily talented cricketer; maybe you will recall his relationship with Elizabeth Hurley; or perhaps you've confused him with Shayne Ward, who won X Factor in 2005, and are now thinking, "Wow, did he also play cricket AND date Liz Hurley?"

Warne is currently appearing on jungle-based cry-for-help I'm A Celebrity in his native Australia. And, not wishing to give the impression that professional athletes are stupid, he's been explaining his views on how humans came to evolve from monkeys. The answer – obviously – comes from above.


"If we've evolved from monkeys, then why haven't those ones evolved?" Warne ponders in a clip released ahead of tonight's show. "Cos I'm saying: aliens. We started from aliens."

Which seems a rational thing to say, right? I mean, if you disregard all the science and centuries of work into explaining things. If you throw all that out the window and watch five or six series of the X Files in one marathon session, Warne's views start to make sense.

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Warne expands his theory of human history to include the pyramids, which he also attributes to aliens, telling fellow contestant Bonnie Lythgoe: "Look at those pyramids, Bonnie. You couldn't do 'em. You couldn't pull those huge bits of brick and make it perfectly symmetrical… couldn't do it. So who did it?"

And that's bang on as well, because 65-year-old Bonnie Lythgoe almost certainly couldn't build a pyramid, and even if she did somehow summon the strength it'd be a lot to ask that she made it perfectly symmetrical. That would require hovering above the half-built structure while simultaneously moving "those huge bits of brick", a task too great even for Bonnie Lythgoe. And that does lead to the obvious conclusion that it was aliens.

Warne then returned to his favoured topic, crystallising his theory on human existence.

"Whatever planet [the aliens are] on out there, they decided that they were gonna start some more life here on earth and study us. Maybe they turned a few monkeys into humans and said 'Yeah, it works'."

Shane, mate: no it doesn't.