The man who put his asshole through hell by stuffing it with $165,000 worth of gold "pucks" from the Royal Canadian Mint has been sentenced to 30 months in jail.
Barrhaven Ontario's Leston Lawrence, 35, reportedly kept his head down as he was handed down his prison term Thursday; the former Mint operator was previously being convicted of theft over $5,000 for stealing a total of 22 gold pucks, money laundering, possession of stolen property, and breach of trust.
Lawrence's judge, incredibly named Peter Doody (get it?) also ordered Lawrence to repay $190,000—the market value of the 17 gold pucks he sold—within three years of being released or face another 30-month sentence.
Lawrence, who had unsupervised access to the golden pucks, would frequently set off the metal detectors of the Mint's Ottawa facility, after which he would be patted down by security, and double checked with a handheld wand, but to no avail. He was only caught when his bank, suspicious after Lawrence tried to cash cheques worth more than $15,000, tipped off the cops in February 2015.
The police began surveillance on Lawrence and eventually issued a search warrant on his home, discovering pucks that fit the same mold from the Mint. They seized a total of five pucks.
The pucks, ranging from 192 to 264 grams in weight, were worth $6,800 to $9,500 each, according to the CBC. Lawrence sold 17 of them to Ottawa Gold Buyers for $130,000 and was reportedly able to buy a house in Jamaica and a boat in Florida.
Justice Doody noted the evidence against Lawrence was circumstantial, as no one saw him stealing the pucks or shoving them up his ass. Part of that evidence included latex gloves and Vaseline found in his work locker, which Doody said "could have been used to facilitate insertion of gold items inside his rectum."
Lawrence's lawyer Gary Barnes, who argued for an 18-month sentence and a $130,000 fine (to match the money Lawrence actually made through laundering the pucks), said his client has accepted both the conviction and the media attention it's garnered.
"When no one showed up for the first week and we were sort of under the radar, that was very, very surprising," he said.
He also criticized the Mint's security measures as being too lax.
The Mint told the CBC it has upgraded its security and screening process and camera system and is " working closely with CATSA [Canadian Air Transport Security Authority] to establish more robust scanning training of our employees."
I guess future Mint employees can thank Lawrence if butt X-rays become a regular thing.
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