It's Tuesday, February 12, and You Can Watch a Man Release a Giant Rat in a McDonald's

Plus, how to celebrate Valentine's Day if you're hungry or horny.
February 12, 2019, 5:40pm
McDonald's fries

Welcome to Off-Menu, where we'll be rounding up all the food news and food-adjacent internet ephemera that delighted, fascinated, or infuriated us this morning.

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McDonald's screenshot

Do these donut sticks from McDonald's look like dicks to you? Cosmo says yes (veiny penises, even!). I say, uhh that's just a tubular foodstuff? Still, right on time for Valentine's Day if that's the vibe you're after.

Something Nice

Research scientist Janelle Shane fed all the classic messages from candy hearts into a neural network algorithm that then mimicked the word patterns to, uh, varying degrees of success. I don't want to tell Necco how to do its job, but I bet a special horny expansion pack comprised of the phrases above would do gangbusters on the current market.

Build This Bouquet

You can DIY a breadsticks bouquet this Valentine's Day by ordering a round of breadsticks to go from your local Olive Garden (which, please let me know what they say when you do that) and downloading one of six different Olive Garden-themed paper wrappers

here

. There's no better way to tell that special someone "Roses are red/ Violets are blue/ Here's a bouquet of breadsticks/ I made for you" this season.