It's Tuesday, February 12, and You Can Watch a Man Release a Giant Rat in a McDonald's

Plus, how to celebrate Valentine's Day if you're hungry or horny.
February 12, 2019, 5:40pm
McDonald's fries

Welcome to Off-Menu, where we'll be rounding up all the food news and food-adjacent internet ephemera that delighted, fascinated, or infuriated us this morning.


Not News

McDonald's screenshot

Do these donut sticks from McDonald's look like dicks to you? Cosmo says yes (veiny penises, even!). I say, uhh that's just a tubular foodstuff? Still, right on time for Valentine's Day if that's the vibe you're after.

Something Nice

Research scientist Janelle Shane fed all the classic messages from candy hearts into a neural network algorithm that then mimicked the word patterns to, uh, varying degrees of success. I don't want to tell Necco how to do its job, but I bet a special horny expansion pack comprised of the phrases above would do gangbusters on the current market.

Build This Bouquet

You can DIY a breadsticks bouquet this Valentine's Day by ordering a round of breadsticks to go from your local Olive Garden (which, please let me know what they say when you do that) and downloading one of six different Olive Garden-themed paper wrappers


. There's no better way to tell that special someone "Roses are red/ Violets are blue/ Here's a bouquet of breadsticks/ I made for you" this season.