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Some Performance Pieces to Try at Home

Talk to the moon about menstruation. See what that's all about.
Image via Stocksy

Yoko isn't the only one with good ideas. Here are some quick performance pieces you can do in your spare time:

Floor/Couch Positions

Acquire a hangover with the strength of 1000 suns.
Try not to barf.
Imagine twelve clouds
They're hung over too.
The piece ends when you have slid from the couch to the floor, or Netflix has given up on you,
Whichever happens first.

Voice Piece for Your Mobile Service Provider

1. At your phone
2. At Jon on the phone
3. At Jon's boss
4. At your boyfriend
5. At yourself
6. At this whole cruel universe

1. Your phone into a river and walk away.


The Bed

Get in your bed.
Eat in there.
Wake up and eat some more, maybe have sex or something.
Spill some stuff on the bed and think about the sky.
You did it.
Your bed is art now.

Girl Crush Piece

Take the term "girl crush"
Set it on fire.

Twitter Piece I

Imagine your most annoying friend.
This should be done after 4-6 glasses or one (1) bottle of wine.
Unfollow their bunk ass on Twitter.

The Artist Gets Presents

Drape yourself in a luxurious red cape.
Sit in a big chair.
Be like, so serious about it.
Receive gifts.

Wig piece

Put on a wig,
Why not.

Twitter Piece II

Allow the famous man to slide into your DMs
Allow him to tell you you're beautiful (a)
That he'd love to "take you out some time" (b)
And "Get to know each other" (c)
Let the words gradually go from theoretical to actual bullshit.
Screenshot the bullshit and follow his girlfriend instead.

Relief Piece

Plan a DJ night.
Distribute flyers on the thinnest paper.
Arrange a guest list, invite everyone you know.
Call people on the night of your "set" and tell them they do not actually have to come.
Sleep well.


Don't let a guy shoot you
Not in the arm
Not in the leg
Not for any reason
Not even for art
This is a dumb idea.

Period Piece

Talk to the moon about menstruation.
See what that's all about.

Twitter Piece III

Never tweet.

Sunday Piece

Think about every soul saying every prayer there is.
Know you're near a house of worship
and dream of the house.
Stay home and masturbate and do a nice crossword instead,
God is probably not real.