A Five-Step Plan to Get the Predators Back in the Finals

When the Nashville Predators lost Game 1, the optimistic fans thought, We dominated them and if not for a few bad penalties and a couple soft goals, we had this one. If we play the same way in Game 2, they will be OK.

After playing the same way in Game 2, the Predators are pretty far from OK.

The Predators dominated for two periods on Wednesday night, but Pekka Rinne was once again shaky in the net. Then the Pittsburgh Penguins used some award-worthy flops to draw a bunch of penalties, and a three-goal outburst in the third period gave them the win. The Penguins have a 2-0 lead in a Stanley Cup Finals that many thought would be destined for six or seven games four days ago and now feels over.

How do the Predators fix this? They have two days before Game 3 in Nashville on Saturday night, so there's time to figure this out. Luckily for coach Peter Laviolette, I have fleshed out a foolproof five-step course to success. If these are followed down to the tiniest detail, the Predators can come back and win this series.

1. Make Pekka Rinne Play Good Again. You would expect a goaltender with a .918 save percentage for the season to regress at some point, but not to the extent Rinne has these playoffs. Here are his save percentages for each round of the postseason: .976, .932, .925, and .778.

It's rare to see someone fall from grace so hard, so quickly. No one has gone off a cliff like this since Topher Grace went from That '70s Show, to the Ocean's movies, to Spider-Man 3, to whatever the hell he's been doing since 2006.

We can debate the Evgeni Malkin and Jake Guentzel goals in Game 1 that eluded Rinne's glove hand, but there's no denying that Guentzel's first goal in Game 2 was horrific. Yeah, it slips through a tiny opening, but it's a tiny opening that never should have been there. Guentzel scored again in the third period when Rinne kicked out a rebound so awful, it's not out of the realm of possibility that Jean-Claude Van Damme had taken over for him to start the third period and no one noticed.

So someone should talk to Rinne over the next two days and tell him to stop the puck more often. Like, at least 93 percent of the time for the rest of the series. That's what a good coach would do. Coaching is easy.

2. Get Good at Diving. In Game 1, Trevor Daley flew through the air like a majestic eagle after a cross check. Seconds earlier, Patric Hornqvist's legs gave out on a love tap to the skates, collapsing as if his skin were pierced by a tranquilizer dart. It resulted in a power-play goal that helped put the Predators in a 3-0 hole.

In Game 2, it was more of the same from the Penguins. Hornqvist took flight like he was Wolverine and someone behind the net was holding a powerful magnet. The same could be said for Ian Cole, who may be ready to replace Daniel Day-Lewis as the world's greatest actor. While these dives didn't lead to goals, it left the Predators shorthanded for almost a quarter of the first two periods.

To be clear, diving is good and the only way to get a referee to do his job and call a penalty in the postseason. The Penguins should be commended for this flopping effort. If the Predators don't improve their diving game, though, the series is over.

That's why Laviolette needs to hire Vlade Divac, the greatest flopper in NBA history, to teach his players the best way to dive before Game 3.

This must be done in full view of the media, too. I want to see Calle Jarnkrok gently bump P.K. Subban, with Subban crashing to the ice and writhing in pain. Then I want Divac to skate over to Subban and give him tips. "That's good, but throw your head and arms into it, P.K. It's also a mindset. If you believe your body is a plastic bag, you will travel through the air like a plastic bag."

Then Divac will blow his whistle and scream at the players like Kurt Russell as Herb Brooks in Miracle. "Again," he says before all the Predators hit the ice. "Again," he screams once more, unsatisfied with the effort. This will continue for two hours.

3. Double Whatever the Penguins Are Paying the Officials. Figure out what you'd have to pay Divac for two days' worth of work and see if that's equal to or less than what you'd have to pay the referees to get the calls the Penguins have gotten. The Predators aren't a major-market team, so they need to spend efficiently. This needs to be a realistic list.

Speaking of not being a major-market team…

4. Move to a Major Market. Not to worry, Predators fans. This is only temporary. If the NHL is out to screw nontraditional teams, this will solve the issue of calls going against you. We will play Games 3 and 4 in, say, Toronto to help get the teams on even footing. You always hear about how Toronto can support two teams, so now we will find out for sure.

There are two days between Games 2 and 3, which means there's plenty of time to pull this off.

5. Fill Bridgestone Arena with Catfish. Give a catfish to every fan that enters the arena. Have catfish stations on the concourse. Place a catfish on every seat the way normal teams do with free T-shirts. Make that arena stink like the boat in The Perfect Storm. Have that fishy aroma fill the arena. Create a true home-ice advantage.

After the Predators score their first goal, unleash hell. It will be like one of those teddy bear tosses done by minor-league teams, only with dead sea (lowercase) creatures. No one will go to the jail. No police force in the country has enough officers to arrest that many people. You are the Spartacus of catfish throwers.

How does this help the Predators win after losing two straight in Pittsburgh?

No idea. I just think it'll be funny. Besides, the Predators played their best hockey in Game 1 when one catfish hit the ice, so imagine how well they will play after 5,000 catfish hit the ice.

Sorry if that idea is too complicated for the non-fish analytics crowd, but that's how the Predators go back to Pittsburgh tied in this series.

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