You Just Self-Immolated, What Was it Over?

Photo via Self-immolation, setting one’s self on fire – why do people do it? Often people commit this hugely symbolic form of suicide for a variety of political, ethical and moral reasons; to draw attention to an injustice in the world, to protest against war or an oppressive regime or corruption. Whatever the motivation it is the ultimate, most dramatic act a desperate person can do to appeal to the world. But what do the people of London, recently given the Olympic Games and an attendant sense of righteous indignation, have to say about it? What would make them turn the flame upon themselves? Luke (left) and Riley.

Luke: I am completely chilled at the minute. But, I really, really hate those Boris announcements on the tube. He is an idiot. He really is. I’d set myself on fire if I didn’t have to listen to him again.
Riley: His hair is like straw. That would burn nicely. Sarah (left) and Chloe. Sarah: I’m a hairdresser so it could happen at work, if I had a really crappy hairdryer. Is accidental self-immolation quite common in the beauty industry?
Chloe: I once burned myself with a pair of hair straighteners. It was hellish. You’ve just set yourself on fire. Why?
Bradley: A very interesting question. I would say because the rent is due and the money isn’t… flowing. Do you see what I’m saying? I see what you’re saying.
So can I have your number? I thought you were going to set yourself on fire because of the cash flow situation?
Are you gonna take a photo of me? Yes.
Can I have a look at it? What do you think?
I think I look good. The ladies will love it. Do you want my number? No and why did you burn yourself?
I’ll look you up anyway. Left to right: Sophie, Maya and Rebecca. You’ve just self- immolated, why?
All: [blankly stare] Meaning, you’ve just set yourself on fire.
Sophie: Oh, riiiiight. Aha! Is there anything that’s really eating you up that might make you think fire is the answer?
Oh God. Errr, Russia. Why Russia?
About Russia not intervening in Syria, that’s the only thing that’s worth burning yourself for. Oh and another thing, Bhopal; how Dow have made the plastic wrap for the Olympic Park and yet they are responsible for the Bhopal chemical disaster which happened in India in 1984, which no one knows anything about and 10,000 people died and now they are involved in the Olympics. I’d do it right here. Or at the start of the Olympic marathon! I think some people might have heard about it. Rebecca?
Rebecca: Money. Maybe you should set yourself on fire for money?
I can’t afford the firelighters. Nicolo: I am drunk. What? You’re drunk now?
No, no. Not now, but if I was drunk I might set myself on fire. If I was drunk or high. So you’ve just self-immolated. Why?
Julia: I won’t. I won’t do it. But if I have to do it… You don’t have to, but hypothetically if you did… is there anything that would make you set fire to your own body?
No family, no friends, no job… Having no one and nothing to do. So if you were really depressed you’d set yourself on fire?
Yes, or maybe because I am crazy. Miguel: I wouldn’t! Actually, my girlfriend gets me quite angry and annoys me in a lot of ways? How?
Just silly little arguments that we have, you know. Why not set her on fire?
Nah, I wouldn’t do that. Sweet. Elaine (left) and Raymond.

Raymond: Because I’m 25 today, and I don’t want to be 25! Oh my God!
I know! So you’ll just blow out your candles and hopefully you’ll go up in the blaze?
Yes! Exactly. Ahahahahahahahahahaha. Elaine?
Elaine: Because I am so hungover. How hungover do you have to be for flames to make it better?
Very bad, so much I want to set myself on fire. Is the alcohol seeping out of your pores?
Yes. So if I hold a lighter to you now you’ll go up in flames?
I’ll totally be on fire.

Previously - What Are Olympic Visitors Most Scared of, Terrorists or Aliens?