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Vice Blog

HOW TO SURVIVE THE DEATH OF LO-FI

Everyone knows lo-fi is dead. These days it's all about lapsed house, Sadchester, and psychedelic body music. But that's not much use to the guys who got left behind, is it? The aimless hordes out on the streets of East London who are still pairing old school Vans with lumberjack shirts and thick rims, calling each other "dude," pretending things are "rad," and talking about dinosaurs surfing through outer space on slices of dollar pizza. Jared Phillips and his band Times New Viking were there when this bandwagon just started running (just after Thamesbeat mark II) and they were there when it crashed into a ditch (just before chillwave), so we figured he was the guy to go to for tips on how to survive the coming and going of a fad. Take it away, Jared.

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LO-FI GOES BACK INTO THE THRIFT STORE

It seems only yesterday kids in small towns were buying TNV-brand® 3-track cassette recorders at Wal-mart, and everywhere you went the sounds of lo-fi bands came blasting from Old Navy mannequins as tweens bought miles and miles of lo-fleece sweaters. Literally MILLIONS of lo-fi bands sprang from bongs overnight. There was even a motion passed in the Senate to make the Sic Alps drummer "Secretary of Gnarly Times" (he was outvoted in favor of Psychedelic Horseshit's drummer).

Now lo-fi's the new "slap bracelet." "Max headroom." "Moon shoes." "JNCO jeans." I put scare quotes around these things so that you know that at one point they existed in the public consciousness, but have now been discarded like socks on the motorway.

The ravages of age (and the internet???) pushed lo-fi into the 99 cent "Buy It Now" eBay bin. For the twelfth time. Or the fiftieth. Hasn't this happened to lo-fi/DIY before? Hey, who has time to pay attention to history.

It's been suggested that we write "…a guide on how to survive the lo-fi boom and bust," and "…how to abide now that the fad is dying down." Fucking depressing, right? Personally, when I hear the word "boom" used in relation to a musical movement I think of two things: a ton of money, and a ton of fans. Both of which I, Jared Phillips, lead guitarist of the band Times New Viking, have yet to see, incidentally.

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So, young, aspring "lo-fiers," PLEASE heed these three basic tips and repent TODAY unless you want to be just another tic on the back of a fad that is rapidly becoming bloodless. Like Christian ska. Wait, that still exists? I guess somebody went with the wrong genre back in high school…

DICTAT #1: RECORD PROPERLY

In his 15 volume critical essay, "Lo-fi Culture and its Effects on Society During its 13-minute Period of Minor Relevancy in 2008," Professor Clinton E. Duncan of a very prestigious university described a lo-fi group's recording process thusly:

"It seems the standard recording process of the lo-fi group is to brush their teeth with an expired rat, dry the aforementioned rat, and then put that same rat in charge of record production."

Lesson: Do not brush your teeth with dead rats. It never did us any good.

DICTAT #2: BUY THE BEST GEAR

Admit it lo-fi people--the only reason you like to record analogue is because you're sooooooooooo stoned that you find the tape mesmerizing as it twirls, twirls around. (And because you're cheap. It takes money to make money, bro!) Prof. Duncan noted that the groups' "beady little eyes were too strained to use a computer screen. Fortunately, the tape format was tangible and round, possibly reminiscent of delicious pies. Or in the case of cassettes, Graham Crackers."

Lesson: Don't use a Teddy Ruxpin to make your records.

DICTAT #3: PRACTICE PROPER MAINTENANCE

Using Duct tape on all of your equipment isn't gonna get you anywhere. Hell, in England they don't even know what the fuck "Duct tape" is; it's called "gaffer tape," mate. Trust me, there's no Grammy category for Band With The Frailest and Most Beat To Shit Guitars. Only Willie Nelson has one of those Grammys, and that's just in his mind.

Lesson: Watch the Grammys and learn, dumbass.

JARED PHILLIPS

TNV's totally hype-proof new album Dancer Equired is great, and it's coming out through Wichita on the 25th of April.