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Talkin' about the Boards - I Have a Weird Boner

Dear Loyal VICE Commenters, We hate many of you with a passion that knows no limits. There are those of you who are disgusting fucking pigs whose graves we would merrily dig ourselves, if only it meant the Earth would be rid of you forever.

Dear Loyal VICE Commenters,

We hate many of you with a passion that knows no limits. There are those of you who are disgusting fucking pigs whose graves we would merrily dig ourselves, if only it meant the Earth would be rid of you forever. Why do we hate you? Quite simply: We give you the opportunity to interact with us via our comment boards, and you say the dumbest shit ever. Tom Scharpling, the best guy ever, has said that the Internet is just everyone on Earth saying, "That thing? I don't like it." And he is very right.

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On the other hand, some of you are witty and hilarious and if you're interested we'd like to buy you a drink sometime. And then maybe sex you up a bit? Don't answer that yet. We'll play it by ear. The point is, time was all of your comments (despicable and fantastic) were posted and then quickly forgotten, and that's a shame. So starting right now, every week until infinity we will pick the three most interesting and/or dumbest comments you goddamn troglodytes type and draw you based on whatever crap you wrote in a new column we like to call Talkin' About the Boards.

NICK GAZIN