
Advertisement

Matty Ice, “traveler,” left: I’d make money off of being myself, like I currently do. I’m a musician and I’m writing a book about the philosophy of my travels.
Cassanova, dancer/entrepreneur, right: Me, myself, right now I’m on welfare. I would take that money and flip it. Like, buy a carton, buy some weed, sell it off.That sounds profitable.
Cassanova: Yeah, I sell my cigarettes. Usually most people, if they have a good talent, like singing or dancing—like me, I’m a dancer—you can sell that. If you have a talent, might as well turn that and make cents off of it. As long as it’s legal. I’m not trying to go back to the box, that’s not happening.There’s a big market for cigarettes in there, though.

I think it’s bad and corrupting and evil. I don’t believe in personal wealth, so I guess I’m a socialist. Look at the hunger thing going on. If we shared a little bit…Well, what would wealth mean to you?
It means health, happiness, that my kids are OK, and that I can go on vacation a couple of times a year.Guess you won’t be staying at any resorts.

It seems easy and they get to follow the sun around the world.What kind of a movie star would you be?
I guess action. Like Bruce Willis.
Advertisement
Well, I’m getting there.

Right, like you would charge to get a surgery. You would charge to get a Botox. You choose your own expiration date.

Organic things. But not just for eating. Like, body stuff, too. Clothing, too.Like Whole Foods?
Yes. I wouldn’t want it to just be in New York, though. I’d want it to be everywhere.Um, like Whole Foods.

Junior, also an elevator repairman, right: Murder.You would kill someone to get rich?
Junior: Well, more than one person. That way it would keep the income flowing.
Mike: No, you only gotta do it once. If I’m gonna do it, it’s gonna be a big score.
Junior: No, to get rich off of a hit, you’d have to kill, like, the President. And then your whole life you’re on the run. I’m talking about making a healthy living killing people that only matter a little bit—
Mike: Like somebody’s ex-wife or something?
Junior: Yeah! Oh, she wants child support?
Mike: We’ll take care of that! I’d rob a bank.How would you rob a bank?
Junior: AK, brother.
Mike: Yeah, definitely. Traditional sense. You don’t need to do much. Wear a mask, walk in.
Advertisement
Junior: You need a guy at the door. You know how, in the bank, there’s two doors you gotta go through? They have a way to lock you into those.So you’re a problem solver?
Junior: Yeah, well, you gotta have dreams and aspirations as a kid.

Someone without a name. Someone who knew a lot of people who didn’t know his name. So, somewhere between an assassin, mobster, and a superhero.Would your superpower be creating money?
That’s boring. I would find a way to be in control of traffic lights and charge people for that. And snap my fingers for effect, but I wouldn’t actually have to do anything for it to happen.Previously:Is It OK to Be Lazy in an Orgy? Would You Rather Be Ginger or Unemployed?What Would You Save in a Natural Disaster?
