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Vice Blog

MICHAEL NIEDERMAN’S 60-HOUR SHUT EYE SLEEPATHON

In this new column, Michael Niederman, a writer who needs money, will take endurance challenges and write about them. This will probably come to an end when he gets a job, so, conservatively, we have a year or so.

The first sleep aid I took was just a cup of chamomile tea, and I went to bed like it was any other night. The next morning, I woke up around 10 AM, ate some breakfast, popped a few over-the-counter sleeping pills, and got back into bed.

I dozed for a few hours, but the sleep wasn't restful. I would compare it to that feeling you get when the dentist gives you gas. I would fall into a light sleep, and then any noise from the street would jolt me awake. It went on like this until about 6 PM when I woke up and took three Tylenol with codeine and three Valium. I was out.

Around 2 AM, I woke up to the sound of someone unlocking my door. I was so drugged out, I forgot that I had asked my next-door neighbor to come over to take pictures of me sleeping. In a haze of drugs, I stumbled out of bed yelling, ran toward her, slipped on the linoleum, and fell. She gave me some warm milk, waited for me to fall asleep, and took some pictures of me.

I woke up late Sunday afternoon. My knees ached from the fall, my muscles felt like they'd atrophied, and there was a bedsore on my ass. My breath stunk, even after brushing twice, and I had explosive diarrhea. My hands were twitching, and it hurt to talk. As I write this now I'm paranoid, depressed, and I really want to go outside, but I'm just too tired to move.  Honestly? I feel like I need to take a nap.

MICHAEL NIEDERMAN