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EVANGELICAL YOUTH DAY RULED

The God squad kicked off the festival season in Holland this year with Evangelical Youth Day. It's an annual one day festival organized by the Dutch Evangelical Broadcasting Association. We went to the Gelredome (home of our prized soccer team, Vitesse) in Arnhem and witnessed it all--from Christian metalcore, to Dutch Christian PM and Harry Potter look-alike Jan Peter Balkenende, to a support group for moon bears. Yes, moon bears.

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We met these lovely ladies on the train to Arnhem. They couldn't believe we were actually heading for the Evangelical Youth Day. They thought we were joking and that we--like them--were going to the

Free Your Mind Festival

(which was also in Arnhem that day). But can you imagine a better place to free your mind than Evangelical Youth Day? Especially this year's--its theme was "Freedom." Like Abraham once told Lot: "Is not the whole land before thee? Separate thyself, I pray thee, from me: if thou wilt take the left hand, then I will go to the right; or if thou take the right hand, then I will go to the left." (Genesis 13:9)

The festival grounds were a bit confusing, but the cross we saw emerging from afar led us to suspect we were going the right way. The parking lot next to the Vitesse stadium has never looked so pretty. Before we go inside, let's see what the market has to offer, divine goody-wise.

There was a stand where you could buy metal. And we're talking Christian metal, from bands like Inner Wish and Living Sacrifice. Hell yeah.

"Meer hoop zonder dope" means "More hope without dope." At first we thought campaigns like these wouldn't have much effect. But when we lost our lighter somewhere and needed to borrow one, we noticed that there were no smokers to be found among the thousands of visitors.

In fact, a circle of fear formed around the only smoked cigarette we saw laying on the ground.

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Oh yeah, Israel also had it's own market stand, where you could win an iPod if you guessed how many marbles some jar had in it.

Believe us, there are no bears living on the moon. Moon bears are bile bears whose gall bladders are tapped by--among others--the Chinese in order to obtain their bile, which is said to have healing effects. One of the ways the bile is collected is the free drip method. Gross.

"Believing in sex." Not entirely sure what that means.

Dude.

This was weird. The light effects we saw were often spacier than at techno parties like

Awakenings

. Festival host Manuel Venderbos was in the zone. He called God a "designer" and then said that it really isn't necessary to wear designer clothing to be popular. A statement like that really takes some weight off your shoulders when you're walking around wearing cheap swimming shorts and a sweaty AC/DC shirt. Venderbos also said that it doesn't matter "whether you are negro, gay or Chinese." Unfortunately, the bar maids in the press room weren't allowed to serve us alcoholic drinks, so we went back outside to get drunk on God's love.

Once outside we finally saw our (former) PM Jan Peter Balkenende up close. We know for sure this guy isn't real. He's a marketing trick, the product of a collaboration between Disney, Playmobil, and the CDA (his Christian Democratic Party). Do you see that guy's shirt? The M stands for "Messiah." I'm loving Him. With the Dutch parliamentary elections in sight, the other political leaders couldn't just stay at home. They too were at the Evangelical Youth Day.

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This photo isn't overexposed at all. These politicians are enlightened. Social democrat Ronald Plasterk (on the far left) and liberal Boris van der Ham (bald guy next to him) are excited. For the first time in their political careers, they are not forced to dance around on a pink boat floating in the Amsterdam canals at the Gay Parade to show off their politically correct engagement with the gay community. Instead, they find themselves politically "battling" in a boxing ring built by the Evangelical Broadcasting Association in the parking lot next to a soccer stadium.

There was even a silent disco. God is a DJ.

Sometimes witty photo captions are unnecessary. Just describing what happened is enough. Like with this picture of a small, lonely man carrying an orange balloon past an image of cute African boys in which one of them makes a historically unfortunate arm gesture.

So unfortunate.

Check out those flames. Bands like Kiss and Metallica have played the Gelredome, but they can't compete with the Canadian Christian punk rockers Hawk Nelson. Their press handout said, "Who on earth names their band after a skating hero and a local shoemaker (Tony Hawk + Nelson's Boot Repair)? They are wayward and funny, but also full of love for Jesus. You really need to get to know Hawk Nelson in order to understand them."

Because there was nothing in the world we would rather do than get to know Hawk Nelson, we wandered into their press conference. When asked how they deal with heavy obstacles in life they talked about their merchandise that didn't make it to Holland due to logistical problems. After the press conference we had the opportunity to take pictures. Your reporter can be found in the middle. WORDS: TIMME HOS PHOTOS: MARLON VAN WICHEN