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Vice Blog

LITERARY - REVOLVE

Did you ever hear that Eugene Mirman routine about him finding a bible that looks like a teen magazine and includes christian fashion tips and vaguely racist teen pregnancy statistics? This is that bible! We were positive he had just photoshopped together a couple pages and folded them around a copy of YM or something (is that even still in print?), but lo and behold, it was a totally real thing that real people really made and really thought was a real good idea. For real. And for some reason they also thought it would be a good idea to send a review copy to a magazine called "Vice." Here are a few of the favorite selections from our first of many, many readings to come…

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(PS: These are just the sidebars. All the real bible stuff looks pretty straight forward—although there are occasionally little fake pen marks that say things like "Believe It!" and "Say What!?" next to certain verses. We like to read those by screaming them as loud as possible when everyone has gotten quiet. PPS: In case you haven't picked up on it already, this thing is a literal godsend when you are stoned with a bunch of friends and the VCR isn't working.)

BEYOND BEAUTY

"Today's 'it' look is tomorrow's embarassing 9th grade pic. Look back at the past 100 years. Fads change constantly! Once, the hottest celebs wore shoulder pads, mall bangs, and neon socks. Everything from body suits, top hats, big belts, small belts, to backward suspenders… fashion is soooo random. While it's totally fun to try the look of the moment, it's almost impossible to keep up with the fashion frenzy. Don't worry—simply become the woman God made you to be, and you'll always out-dazzle the latest 'new' thing."

PROBLEM SOLVED (this is the advice column where people write in with perennial teen corkers like "How far should I go on a first date?", "My brother just got back from Iraq and is acting weird", and—no joke—"My mom was raped in college and now she won't get off my case when I go on dates. What should I do?")

"I accidentally opened a spam email with porn in it. I'd never seen anything like that before! I've looked up a couple of sites since then because I'm curious… but it's getting worse. How can I stop?
You've made the first step toward recovery—realizing you need to change. What you're describing is a budding addiction to porn. Internet porn is the fastest growing addiction. People get stuck in it before they realize they've got a problem. By nature, addictions get worse despite your desire to stop. Your willpower alone isn't enough to stop; that's why you'll need God and your mom on your side. It won't be easy, but you need to tell your mom."

ACTIVITY CALENDAR

September
11 "Remember those lost in the tragic events of September 11, 2001. Where were you when it happened?"
13 "Feeling creative? Visit cafepress.com and design your own t-shirt!"