We all know what to do if Mr. Peeners succumbs to FIV before his time (you freeze-dry him, dummy), but what about the flipside? Having a neighbor find your gnawed-up corpse amid mountains of crusted dog shit a week after Judgment Day isn’t exactly a good look and might dissuade potential adopters. Luckily for all you Christians, this guy is offering post-Rapture pet care via craigslist. There are just a couple things that we’re having trouble with: a) He appears to believe in Revelations but somehow thinks being an atheist exempts him, and b) Is he planning on breaking into each house and subsequently checking in every few days, or is he going to set up some sort of mega-kennel in his backyard? Either way, $50 is a hell of a deal.