Brett Gelman

  • Jarble Jerble

    The ganef has the chutzpah to belt me in the face. He lays me back in my stunned state and tries to shove the pool net up my tukhus. I tighten my hole like it’s holding onto a hundred-dollar bill.

  • Make the Book Cook

    I mean what I say, and I say what I mean. That’s the way you really rise to the top.

  • Smart as a Rabbi

    I’ve seen dead bodies before, but this is going to be rough. This one is going to sting right where my foreskin used to be.

  • That's Tokyo Town

    He might have the glow of a Nazi, but he hates himself just like a good Jewish boy should.

  • The Reality TV KKK

    Why do we give her our necks? Is it because we smell it? Is it because we secretly dream of it? Is it because of our shame?

  • Tropical Dream

    These photos were found in a Wendy's men's room in Barstow, California, along with additional handwritten chapters from Brett Gelman's novel Toupee.