London Rental Opportunity of the Week
For instance, rent you the saddest spare room you've ever seen for £750 a month.
Come to north London, and become the guardian of these tit-stairs.
A studio flat for, yes, £1,250 a month.
I know I say this a lot, but this has to be one of the grimmest places this beloved column has ever featured.
Also: a treatise on bread.
A mere £2,383 a month for a one-bed flat. But at least your building has a "poor door".
Do you want to view this flat near Wembley? Or would you rather have your head battered in by your aunt's short, hench, bald stepson? You decide!
Come back you when you've managed to save a deposit, 80 years from now.
It will set you back a mere NINE-HUNDRED-AND-SEVENTY-FIVE pounds a month (plus helmet and knee pad costs).
After a short break, welcome back to Britain's most beloved column.
Including, but not limited to: a sofa so old it smells of coins.
It's a new year – there was bound to be something.