Of course, this fairy tale dong comes with its disclaimers.
"Fractured penises actually look like medium-sized aubergines – so it's a bit unsettling to me that people use the aubergine emoji as a phallic symbol."
And by "some people," I mean me.
"I approach vines just like I approach patients in my office: I talk to my grapes, confer with the branches, press the sacks—I mean clusters—of fruit in order to examine their juices..."
Researchers at the University of Illinois have come up with a convenient way for men to check their fertility.