Volume 19 Issue 9

  • Comic Book Star Sam Humphries and His Post-Aids Pansexual Wonderland

    Marvel Comics has made Sam Humphries the head writer of 'The Ultimates.' Sam began his career with a self-published comic called 'Our Love Is Real' that takes place in a future where people are having sex with dogs, vegetables, and even crystals.

  • Criminal Chlorination

    There exist gentlemen scientists, who seek to further the field of psychoactive-drug synthesis in the privacy of their own homes. Here I present an interview with a clandestine chemist whose curiosity of forbidden molecules left him locked in a cage.

  • This Guy Bends Hard Rods with His Mind 

    Shit. I’ve been determinedly rubbing this metal skewer for more than 25 minutes and it still doesn’t want to bend. I’m doing everything my metal-bending teacher, Jean-Pierre Girard, has instructed me to: I’m wearing green, stroking the rod tenderly...

  • Aliens Do It Better

    Boning an alien in real life has always remained a fantasy, but that will soon change when brothel owner Dennis Hof opens his “Alien Cathouse,” a sci-fi themed whorehouse down the road from Area 51.

  • Excerpts from ‘The Periodic Table of Energy’

    In 1973, Timothy Leary—the “high priest” of LSD—was arrested by US officials. During his imprisonment he conceived 'The Periodic Table of Energy,' a 203-page “manual explaining how to decode the basic blueprints which guide the evolutionary journey...

  • Turtle Boys

    David Ohle completely vanished from the literary landscape after publishing his 1972 debut novel, 'Motorman.' 'Turtle Boys' is a hitherto unpublished investigation of the mutant anatomy of turtle boys.

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  • Kuppy-Cats!

    The room went silent as the scientist slowly opened the cage door and gently removed a two-week-old specimen of his own invention, plainly stating, “Behold the final frontier of cute: the kuppy-cat.”

  • Did This Teenage Brainiac Cure Cancer?

    Fifteen-year-old Jack Andraka invented a tool to diagnose cancer that is 160 times faster, 100 times less expensive, and 400 times more sensitive than previous cancer-testing procedures. We asked him how he got so smart.

  • Teaching Debbie Harry About Bath Salts

    I recently had the pleasure of interviewing Debbie Harry. Somehow, I also ended up accidentally teaching her about bath salts. Sorry to burst your bubble, Debbie. You were going to find out sooner or later.

  • Space Garbage May Trap Us on Earth Forever

    Humanity has managed to clog up the land, sea, and air with our disgusting waste, so one might think we’d be mindful of letting our junk turd up outer space. But nope—turns out the void that surrounds our planet is rapidly filling up with garbage.

  • Records

    Leave it to an SS-haired boy with a Death in June fixation to teach me about love. And he even did it the old-fashioned way, by dropping a little acid house.

  • Great Medicinal Chemists of the 20th Century

    Photos by Dan Meyer, retouching by Mike De Leon. Crystal engraving courtesy of Crystal Images USA.