Don't Worry, East Java Didn't Just Pass the Death Penalty for Single People

Welcome to Can't Handle the Truth , VICE Indonesia's summary of the most popular and most talked about hoaxes and fake news circulating this week.

I'm starting to notice something about the fake news cycle in Indonesia—the country's hoaxers like to alternate between sad, terrible stories that make you question our humanity and stuff that's just so bizarre that you can't help by laugh. It's like the people behind these fake stories know that the nation needs to release some pressure after being scared shitless. So after last week's spate of hoaxes aimed to enflame racial tensions, this week we get crazy stuff like a plot to execute all single people older than 25.

So, here's my weekly list of the country's most-circulated fake news. It's a list I hate to make, but, you know, we all gotta know the real from the fake.

So somehow Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan found time in the midst of accusations that he's becoming a dictator—and a complete diplomatic mess in the Middle East—to lobby the United Nations to protect Habib Rizieq Shibab from prosecution in a sex scandal back in Indonesia.

At least that's what some Islamist media was claiming last week. The story, which was quickly spread over WhatsApp (of course), said that Erdogan publicly encouraged all Muslims to protect ulemas from unfair prosecution. The story said that the Turkish president had name-checked the case against Rizieq in his speech.

"It's such a shame that a questionable case on an ulema in Indonesia is being consumed by the public," Erdogan allegedly told the Anadolu Agency news wire.

Rizieq's supporters quickly posted the story with glee. The head of the Islamic Defenders Front (FPI) was just named a world-class ulema by a world leader! His network, they claimed, which already included King Salman, of Saudi Arabia, has now expanded to Erdogan as well. Clearly this bodes well for Rizieq's alleged political ambitions, correct?

Except that, you know, Erdogan never said anything like this. The web portal Kumparan tried to track down the source of the claim on Anadolu to no avail. It just didn't exist. The Islamic media even admitted that the whole thing was a hoax.

Oh well, I guess this case isn't as big a story as everyone thought it was.

So former Jakarta Governor Basuki Tjahaja Purnama is behind bars, but that doesn't mean the fake news train is going to stop anytime soon. The latest story claimed that there was a statue of Ahok at Kalijodo—a former red-light district the jailed governor converted to a park.

The photo showed a statue placed near the entrance of Kalijodo. Next to it was a plaque saying it was a gift from Sinar Mas Land—which immediately sent the anti-Ahok internet rumor mill into a tizzy. "It's been sold to Sinar Mas, it doesn't belong to the Jakarta government!" they screamed.

Well we've been to Kalijodo and none of us have ever seen this statue. I asked one of our writers about it, and she said it totally wasn't there. Turns out someone just took an image of an action figure of Ahok, and edited the photo to turn it into a statue.

So yeah, there's no Ahok statue, but there is an Ahok action figure—which seems like a pretty good business opportunity. I think people would buy action figures of other Indonesian public officials.

Single people's hearts must've skipped a few beats the second they heard about this "plan" to execute residents if they can't find a partner before they turn 25. The hoax was reportedly backed up with a fraudulent letter from the district government.

According to the letter, the local government released a new set of rules for residents. Those who are older than 25 and still single will be killed via lethal injection. Yup, you read that right: a town just decided one day to just get rid of the single or otherwise unattached and announced the plan with an official letter like it was nothing more than the opening of a new park.

People weren't buying it (of course) but it was still spread around as a dumb joke on single friends. Hey there, lonely guy, it could be worse, at least you don't live in Blitar. Eventually, Interior Minister Tjahjo Kumolo weighed in on the matter, saying that the hoax was probably made by someone with too much time on their hands. Excuse me sir, but that's pretty obvious isn't it?

Here's what the ministry could do instead: release a letter banning all forms of discrimination against single people. And do it ASAP. Eid al-Fitri is around the corner, a time when everyone's family will start asking, "so who are you dating?" and "why aren't you married yet?" Please, step in and make this kind of interrogation illegal! Every Indonesian citizen has the right to remain single as long as they please! It's a human right! Phew. OK, I'll calm down.