This article originally appeared on VICE India.
The deadly coronavirus that has infected more than 90,000 people across the world now has 28 confirmed cases in India. Amidst an uncertain atmosphere, the country has taken several preventive measures to contain the outbreak like screening passengers at airports and shutting down schools. Even as most of the country is responding to the novel COVID-19 with rationality and medical measures, India’s official Ayurvedic ministry termed AYUSH is out here asking everyone to use homeopathy to deal with coronavirus, while Baba Ramdev—part-time spiritual guru and full-time cow urine enthusiast—encourages yoga as a way to protect yourself. However, one Hindu organisation out here takes the (cow dung) cake because they’re convinced they can defeat coronavirus with cow piss and poop. Yep.
The Hindu Mahasabha, the same guys who had earlier said that coronavirus is the angry avatar of a Hindu god who has unleashed its wrath to punish non-vegetarians, is now convinced that the only reason India has seen a surge in cases is because some Telangana ministers angered the avatar by eating chicken on a public stage. They not only want these ministers, who were ironically trying to bust the myth that eating chicken causes coronavirus, to apologise to “corona” if they want to put a stop to the catastrophe, but also have another amazing idea. Their miraculous solution to this public health crisis is to rely as they always do on the magical healing properties of their chosen mother: the holy cow.
“Just like we organise tea parties, we have decided to organise a gaumutra party, wherein we will inform people about what is coronavirus and how, by consuming cow-related products, people can be saved from it,” Chakrapani Maharaj, who heads one of the two groups that make up the Mahasabha, told The Print. This ‘“gaumutra” party’s launch edition will be happening in Delhi, but the organisers are keen to tour their concept across India.
The party will not only feature cow urine products that people will be encouraged to spray onto themselves or eat to keep away coronavirus, but instead of a chocolate cake, they’re going to be serving up cow dung cakes. “Upon using these, the virus will die immediately,” says Chakrapani, who also mentioned that all cow shelters are also involved in the battle against coronavirus. “Vegetarians need not worry; it will not impact them. But still, as a precautionary measure, they can also start consuming gaumutra.”
This gathering will take place regardless the strict scientifically-backed advisories that say people should avoid crowded rooms with chances of person-to-person contact. Talk about literal bullshit theories.
Follow Shamani Joshi on Instagram.