FYI.

This story is over 5 years old.

Music

Why Bands Should Break Up After Three Albums

Six years ago, I swore I would never write about music again—but to hell with it.

Photo by Kymberly Janisch via Flickr

Writing about music is always a subjective experience. It comes down to personal taste whether a band sounds great, or just plain terrible. So then what's the point of an album review? It's either going to piss you off, or make you run to the nearest record store.

So, I thought to myself, why bother? Instead, I am just going to write a completely subjective piece that may, or may not, irritate the shit out of you—and you're probably just going to read along.

Advertisement

Like all of you, I used to have a favorite band. They formed in the early 2000s, and their debut album was amazing. I was constantly impressed every time I listed to it. To me, they redefined what it meant to listen to music, to really experience it. Two years later, the second album came out. It was just as good. I still adored the band and, after the third album came out the band had finally achieved the fame they all deserved.

Then came the fourth album. It was a total bore. The band's sound totally changed. It was like they burned through all their creativity in the first three albums, and by the time it came time to release a fourth, the whole band just said "fuck it" and wandered off in search of some new inspiration. Maybe they thought it was some kind of victory for freedom of expression. I thought it was a waste of time. Isn't it better, I thought, to burn out quick rather than fade away? Isn't it better to die a great band than limp through a few more year as a mediocre one?

I've always been the kind of person who thinks a great band should call it quits as fast as humanly possible. Release a good album, do a victory lap of a tour, then immediately burn it all down. Sell the van. Trash your instruments. Move on.

Time has only made me more convinced that there's no such thing as a good fourth album. Seriously, sit back and think for a second. List all your favorite bands and go through their discography. I can almost guarantee that it all turns into a flaming pile of shit by the fourth album.

Black Sabbath, Radiohead, High on Fire, Mastodon, fuck… even Coldplay, all got measurably worse after album number three. Radiohead became a lazy Kraftwork copycat. High on Fire's head-banging fury was snuffed out by a waterfall of cheap beer. Mastodon just plain sold out. Coldplay realized they weren't ever going to be as smart as U2. And Green Day? I mean, who the hell still listens to Green Day?

Today, I live a life of peace, away from the buzz and hype bands. I don't care anymore about spending my free time "discovering" a band that everyone online is already raving about. I couldn't care less about Kelompok Penerbang Rocket's latest album. I don't want to talk about how Barasuara suddenly sounds so sensible when played through expensive speakers. And I can't bring myself to give a damn about reunion tours.

I see no future in music anymore. Those bands, the popular ones adored by all the "cool kids," are just recycling sounds that died more than a decade ago. The latest album, the new "it song," it's just a tired rehash of something we've all heard before. Everyone just wants money and fame, and the quickest route to the top is simple: play the hits. And if you don't have any hits, then just steal someone else's and recycle them as your own.

To be honest, I despise your favorite hyper-edgy band, their so-called genius be damned. Their music, all that genius, means so little when you're throwing up on Saturday morning after spending Friday night out making real memories.