Here’s All the Ridiculous Things India Is Doing Ahead of Donald Trump’s Visit to Ahmedabad

Just days ahead of his India visit, Trump decided to remove India from the list of developing nations. This means that he wants India to be regarded as a developed nation, despite its per capita income only being about $2,000, way below the required $12,375 mark, which not only takes away tax subsidies given to the country, but will cost the country about $260 million in the process. But even with an elevated international reputation, India is far from economically stable. So much so that even the International Monetary Fund (IMF) said India’s declining Gross Domestic Product (GDP) was responsible for a global economic slowdown.

But even as the country is trying to cope with all the unemployment, unrest and outrage being served up, now that the US President Donald Trump is scheduled to visit the country on February 24, authorities have clearly decided that there are more important things on their plates. So, instead of trying to fix its issues, India has decided to brush things under the carpet just long enough for Trump to believe that all is well. So, we decided to compile a list of all the ridiculous things happening in the city of Ahmedabad in Gujarat, as India prepares for ‘Namaste Trump’ (formerly known as 'Kem Chho Trump' before those in-charge decided to let their bias not show) to welcome the controversial US president.

In case you aren’t familiar with Trump, he’s also known as the guy who LOVES walls. And while his plan to construct a giant wall on the US-Mexico border didn’t quite pan out, India is eager to imitate and impress. So, they decided to construct a seven-foot, 400 metre long wall just before Trump sets foot in Ahmedabad. But instead of keeping out immigrants, the function of the wall is to block from Trump’s sight the slums that show up on the way to the stadium Trump is set to give a speech at. The wall that will serve its purpose only for a few hours however, is estimated to cost about Rs 100 crore, money that could have otherwise been used to develop the slums they are trying to hide. *insert facepalm emoji*

As if blowing up big money on a wall wasn’t enough, authorities have taken it a step further and are actually kicking out slum dwellers who have been living in the area near the newly-built Motera Stadium for more than two decades. While authorities insist this is more about evicting people who’ve “encroached” upon the civic body’s land, the timing couldn’t be more dubious. What’s even shadier is that while the eviction notice handed out to more than 45 slum families is dated February 11 and allows them a week to evacuate, this was only served yesterday, giving these families a little more than a day to uproot their entire lives.

Maybe it’s because the government just isn’t too fond of the betel nut leaf sweet delicacy. Maybe they’re worried giving Trump some paan to chew on could lead to another ‘covfefe’ catastrophe. But authorities have sealed off three paan shops near the airport ahead of Trump’s visit so they can keep the streets spotless. But is it even an authentic Indian experience if you aren’t dodging crimson red spit stains?

While humans have to deal with a new wall suddenly locking them in, stray dogs found wandering the streets of Gujarat don’t have it any better. Authorities have hatched a plan to lock up all street dogs over security concerns. Clearly they forgot the one motto Trump seems to live by: barking dogs seldom bite.

At least 60 international and domestic flights have been rescheduled ahead of Trump’s visit, with only 10 odd flights bringing eminent personalities to be allowed to land at Ahmedabad’s Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel International Airport, while other flights will be diverted to Surat or Baroda. Such good times for the common man to live in.

Instead of providing at least temporary rehabilitation to the evicted slum-dwellers by using abandoned, vacant houses, the authorities have decided that these houses need urgent police attention. So, cops are being deployed to monitor and keep a close eye on about 40 abandoned plots and empty houses in the Motera, Sardarnagar and Vadaj areas to ensure that no illegal activities are taking place. This also means that all residents of these areas are being inconvenienced, with cops showing up and asking people for residential proof.

If pouring in money to build a wall wasn’t enough, the local administration has reportedly spent more than Rs 30 crores to pimp out every inch of the 22-km road Trump will set foot on. This includes setting up 28 stages along the way, organising cultural events, planting more than 1 lakh trees and flower beds, and sending out more than 2,200 buses to pick up people for the stadium event. They’re even installing fogging machines because why only build a wall to hide all our flaws when you can also add a splash of superficiality to the celebrations. At least the city is getting a much-needed dose of greenery in the process.

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