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Australia's New Bachelor is Nick 'Honey Badger' Cummins

Someone at Channel Ten deserves a raise.

by Liam Armstrong
15 March 2018, 5:42am

Ridiculously Australian professional rugby union footballer and ad campaign favourite Nick Cummins was last night confirmed by Network Ten as the 2018 suitor of The Bachelor. The international athlete is also known as "The Honey Badger", a title bestowed upon him after he declared the vicious mammal’s ferocious defensive abilities inspired his game.

"The honey badger is an animal that lives in Africa, it's about half a metre long and it's the most fearless animal on the planet. It will take on any animal, even lions. I'm trying to think like a honey badger when I'm out there in defence,” he explained to the Daily Telegraph in 2011.

Ten have clearly cracked the Bachelor formula: get minor celebrities on the show. Last year saw the extremely successful stint of failed actress and former pop star Sophie Monk as the Bachelorette.

The network really talked up their new star in a press release as:

“Physically striking, successful and smart, the sporting talent of this wild-haired winger, Nick’s wicked sense of humour and his distinctive, witty one-liners have made him a hero, both on and off the field.”

Already skeletons have started pouring out of Cummin’s closet, with "Lucy", an apparent friend of one of Cummin’s previous intimate partners, calling up the Kyle and Jackie O show to share lurid secrets.

“Let’s just say that he is not little down there,” she told the hosts, adding that it was “like blown out of the water big”.

Cummins is more than an uncanny embodiment of Australian masculinity or the face—perhaps more accurately body—of Australian underwear brand TRADIE. In 2014, he decided to play rugby for Japan instead of the Wallabies simply because, as he explained to The Project, the land of the rising sun was “offering three times more loot than Australia is, you'd be mad not to." To be fair, he wanted use this money to help support his dad through a battle with prostate cancer.

"I'm really looking forward to throwing everything at this opportunity to finding the one," Nick said in the statement from Ten. "The past 10 or so years has been on the road playing rugby or working on my projects, so I'm very excited to be part of a show that is centred around love and good times."

We can only hope doesn’t treat his lucky selected sheila as badly as the most recent US contender, Arie Luyendyk, who proposed to Becca Kufrin only to brutally dump her for the runner up in the same episode. Even Blake Garvey couldn’t do the dirty that badly to Sam Frost, and you can tell he really wanted to.

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