If a Politician Had to Punch You in the Face, Who Would You Choose?

As the most boring election in the universe draws to a close, this was the only question our nullified brains could churn out.

by Anne Johnston
01 July 2016, 12:00am

Everyone has someone they'd like to punch in the face. In fact, in this election, it's hard to choose just one: Christopher Pyne and his little rat face, Scott Morrison and his big idiot face begging to be victimised, or Jacqui Lambie for likening the Greens to ISIS.

But what if the glove were on the other fist? What if they were the ones punching you in the face? VICE hit the streets to see what kind of psychoanalysis we could read into from the political masochism of strangers.

JACK, 27, AND ALLY, 28

If you had to be punched in the face by a politician who would it be?
Jack: Jacqui Lambie. She's so tough.

Ally: Actually that'd be good. I'd let her punch me.

Jack: Like, if you said something to piss her off, she'd just swing around and punch you in the face.

Do you think that makes her a better or worse politician?
Ally: That makes her better. She's a tough bitch.

David, 27
Foodora Delivery Guy

VICE: Do you mind if I ask you a question about the election?
David: I don't know much about Australia. I just know that Mark Turnbull is the actual Prime Minister.

Do you think you'd let him Malcolm Turnbull punch you in the face?
[Laughs] No.

Why not?
Because he doesn't know me. He doesn't have any reason to punch me in the face. But if I did something wrong, why not?

Do you think he's a good guy? Does he have any hidden anger?
I don't know if he's a good guy or not, but I heard on the news and from the opposite party is that he's not a good person. He cut a lot of money. He cut the money from the schools. He privatised the medical system— that's something I heard and that's not good.

So he's a bad guy in your opinion?
I think that he's a politician and I don't trust politicians.


Sam, 25

Which politician would you be okay with punching you in the face?
Oh dear! Ahh, Joe Hockey?

Why do you say Joe?
Just cause. I've been watching him since, however long...

So you'd let him punch you in the face?
Oh no, no, I'd punch him in the face. Was the question the other way around?

Yeah, it's a whole different game when it's you.
Hmm... Okay, Pauline Hanson. Just to hear her say "I don't like it."

Jordan, 19

Am I allowed to talk to you on the job?
Yeah, it's fine.

Out of all the politicians, which one would you let punch you in the face?
Is that like a respect thing?

Take it however you think.
I'd say Bill Shorten

Why Bill?
Even though I'm voting for him, I'd say he doesn't have a lot of force.

Is that metaphorical as well?
Nah, he's just a bit weak.

Yeah he is really scrawny. So it's not a respect thing?
Nah, just scrawny. Out of respect... it'd probably be Malcolm Turnbull. Although not really respect, I don't agree with him. [Points at construction behind him] He wants to tax the Chinese, which isn't good for us. So for me it feels like he's already punching me.

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Question Of The Day
Malcolm Turnbull
Bill Shorten
2016 australian election