You've spent the summer staying up all night, sleeping all day, and cleansing your sins at the beach in-between. Going back to uni after the summer break can be punishing. Your brain isn't used to learning; it's used to binge-watching TV. Your body isn't used to carrying piles of textbooks; it's used to being completely inert in front of a strategically-placed fan. Here's everything to expect during the first few weeks back at uni.
This will definitely get you a job. (See also: Alumni, Amateur Actors)
Student unions and societies are known to attract potential members via the ancient art of the BBQ. Scope out all of the free sausage sizzles on campus; these will become a major component of your diet throughout your tertiary education.
(See also: Boys, Broke, Below Average Intelligence)
Nothing in life is free, and this especially applies to free money. Be prepared for long phone calls, and try to keep on top of your life admin to minimise contact.
(See also: College, Cash In Hand Jobs, Cramming)
(See also: Destitution, Deadlines, Databases)
It's understandable to want to reinvent yourself as you transition to university pseudo-adult. For most people, all this means is wearing more scarves and carrying a Penguin paperback around. For some, it means burning their high school persona to the ground with an all-out assault of fire-twirling, improving, ukelele-toting, PUA-informed bummerdom. Don't be one of these people.
(See also: Essays, Economics, Exchange)
The campus food court can quickly become a money-sucking vortex. Over time, those $14 chicken focaccias will add up. Trust us. And if you work at one of these, don't try and pick up your customers. You will fail.
(See also: Free Drinks, Fear, Freedom)
These are everywhere and can be a great motivation for going to tutes, reading about philosophers, joining bands, going to protests, turning vegetarian, and all the other stuff people do at uni.
(See also: Group Assessments, Gallery Openings, Gender Studies)
If you are seen with one of these, do not expect to become acquainted with the above.
(See also: HECS, Highlighters)
The first semester back at uni is the perfect time to question your entire life and every decision that has led you to this point, preferably while in the middle of an exam.
(See also: Internships, Initiation Ceremonies, Instant Noodles)
Just Make the Due Date
Do essays usually mean leaving everything to the night before and scrambling to come up with an excuse heartbreaking enough to get an extension? Not this year. You're going to hand in at least one essay on time. We believe in you.
(See also: Jocks)
The only member of the Kardashian Klan to graduate from university.
(See also: Kick-ons, Kissing)
You can tell yourself that you'll listen to the ones you miss online but really, it's not going to happen.
(See also: Libraries, Law Balls, Loans)
Mature Age Students
That guy who sits up the front of the class and is somehow best mates with the professor from day one, he's an easy target for jokes. But be kind—a few years, and a few changes in major down the track this could be you.
(See also: Masters, Medicine Students)
New Tute Friends
Also known as those people you sit next to in class. A new semester means new tute friends. You can always try to keep up the friendships you formed in last semester's classes but, really, the only thing you had in common was not doing the readings.
(See also: Nihilism)
Start a challenge with your friends to see who can get as much free stuff as possible.
(See also: Overachievers)
Pool (as in on a table)
There's a 40 percent chance that becoming good at pool will become a major focus of your time at uni. This will mean long hours logged in the union hall, skipping lectures and tutes to work on your game. Some will see this as a waste of time, but having a steady bridge is arguably as useful in life than most things people end up studying.
(See also: Professors, Philosophy, Poetry Readings, Procrastination)
Don't be that person in every tute who puts their hand up as though they're asking a question and then just tells a personal anecdote. Do ask a question if you're unsure about what your tutor just said about Hegelian economic philosophy.
(See also: Quantum Physics, Quadrangle)
Get through the next couple of years, and this is what you'll be lording about town in. You've earned it, so spend the maximum amount of time in it. Wear it at home as a bathrobe.
(See also: Referencing, Rote Learning, Research)
Tibetan prayer flags—check. Uncovered food in the fridge—check. Bean bag—check. Welcome to the next four years of your life. The big question is what kind of housemate are you going to be? The options are limited, but if you care about your sanity, it's probably best if you're not the obsessively tidy one.
(See also: Student Societies, Sexuality, Scholarships)
These drain the bank, so do your research and get them second hand or through that pre-internet thing called the library. (See also: Trivia Nights, Timetables, To-Do Lists, Tired)
This is exactly what you'll be. No matter how hard you try, there's no escaping the feeling that you have no idea what's going on here, literally no idea, and oh god help me I don't know where my next lecture is and now I'm walking in late in front of a room of 200 people, what have I done.
(See also: Upfront Fees, University Paper)
This is what happens when you try to write a 5,000 word essay in one night.
(See also: Vocabulary, Veganism)
Hello old friend, I've missed you.
(See also: Work Placement, Wild and Free)
Or whatever your stream-an-entire-season-in-one-night show is, you're about to get very familiar. There's no better procrastination than Netflix.
The new first years have come through and now you feel like a mature-age student, and you think you look like one 'cause they're all so damn fresh-faced. Maybe the all-nighters are getting to you.
(See also: YouTube, Youthful)
That's exactly what your university will resemble during O-Week.
This article is presented in partnership with Captain Morgan