Everybody Pukes: Torche's Final Tour Diary

With Restarter still ringing in the public's ears, Torche is knee-deep in their US tour with NOTHING and WRONG, and things are getting weird. Guitarist Andrew Elstner can take it from here….

Dear diary, I've been slacking so here's a quick rundown from memory of what I've missed. March 17 in Cleveland at The Grog Shop was a blast. Solid green room beer selection! Managed to avoid too much St. Pat's Day foolishness while also collectively draining the bottle of John Powers backstage. March 18 in Grand Rapids at the Pyramid Scheme. Killer venue, killer show. There was some kind of pre-show pinball tournament happening in the front. Found out the hard way when I came between a 40-something-year-old woman and the Lord of The Rings pinball machine. "UM, WE ARE PLAYING THAT." Dang lady! I was tempted to show her the picture of me in front of an actual Hobbit hole from the Hobbiton movie set in New Zealand, all, "YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU'RE MESSING WITH, LADY."j March 19 in Toledo, OH at Frankie's. Cozy venue, fun show. Bar named a shot after us, the Torche Bomb, good but… not dissimilar from Kool-Aid, sugar crash and all. Guitar shop next door, Alvarado Guitars—all custom builds by the owner/proprietor. Interesting dude, hilarious C.C. Deville stories. March 20 in Detroit/Ferndale at The Loving Touch. Super blast and killer venue, friendly feelings abound. Maybe I don't totally hate Detroit? Note: In my headphones, as tour winds on and on, I just want comfort food for my ears. This usually means nostalgia and being born in '76, that usually means 80s. Such a shameless fan.

March 21 in Toronto at Lee's Palace. Another great spot, crucially friendly staff and KILLER crowd. The kind of show, at least to me, that you really hope for on tour. Though, I did fuck up and crushed a gigantic burrito before the show. The hell is wrong with me? Managed to be useful to Brandon from Nothing and repaired/replaced the switch on his Fulltone O.D. pedal. Electronics repair, is to me, like playing Tetris and Legos while meditating. I love it. March 22 in Montreal at Bar Le Ritz. Canada is cold. Seven degrees Fahrenheit when we loaded in. Shit hurts and seriously beats you down. Cool to be in a French-speaking area though, got a little practice in. Je ne parle pas tres bien, or something. Fun show, sold out crowd, nothing exploded. Cool twist of the evening was staying with Sandi at the one and only Sandi's Rock Inn. It's a B&B of sorts specifically for bands but leaning toward "you have to know somebody to book it" kind of thing, in the best way. Sandi is awesome. Very infectious positive attitude. Amazing food, next-level hospitality and a great record collection. Worst part was having to leave. Onward to Buffalo, NY. March 23 in Buffalo at Mohawk Place. Crossed the border back into the US today. Reinforcing my belief that border control has nothing to do with safety and everything to do with, duh, control. That, and money. What a hassle. Delayed our arrival to Mohawk, so it was a rushed load in to a seriously packed house. A balmy 20 degrees Fahrenheit outside. All my whining aside, it was a great show. Nothing and Wrong continuing to wreck worlds night after night. So good!
Did we get a hotel that night? I honestly don't remember. March 24 in Boston at the Great Scott. This was the first of two back-to-back sold out shows at this venue. Hell yeah. Tonight, Nothing took the eve off and though we missed ’em, we had the furiously awesome Doomriders on the bill. All bands played and sounded sharp as ever, in my humble opinion.

Anyone in a working band knows, it's like having multiple wives / husbands. Like any group of brother-wives, you spend so much time in close quarters, eventually you go kind of crazy. Occasionally you find yourself having arguments like a sour old married couple, saying shit you don't mean and instantly regret. Molehills become mountains of silly-ass bullshit.
Tenry-four nights in a row of three to five hours of sleep, hangovers, long drives, and an endless a parade o
f brutally fucked bathrooms really sap your flowery feelings for your fellow man. Musicians are emotional people, I know because I am one. Point is, accept it, be aware of the false feelings which exhaustion can create like a shitty mirage. "I'm a professional, I'll rise above it." - Nigel Tufnel, Spinal Tap March 25, night number two at the Great Scott in Boston. Having a mellow day. Didn't even have to load in as they let us keep our gear on stage from last night. The little things!

March 26 in Brooklyn at St. Vitus. Busy day. Rolled into Brooklyn early to do a Liquid Metal interview with José on SiriusXM. A whirlwind of nice-to-meet-you-have-some-Jaeger, interview, pics, and quotes. Hilarious good times, José is a super positive dude. Should air sometime next week. Load in, then dinner with the amazing people from The Orchard and the qualitatively awesome Bob from Relapse. Best people! Played a killer show, Nothing and Wrong slayed hard.

NYC is like St. Louis for me in that there are so many people I know and want to spend time with and haven't seen in a while that I don't really get to spend time with anyone and end up feeling all guilty and whatnot. Never, ever enough time. We love you all, and huge ups to the awesome people at St. Vitus for always being so hospitable and making our shows a party. March 27 in Philly at Underground Arts. Rolled into town early to hit up Relapse HQ, handle some biz, hand out hugs and raid the promo vinyl stash. Beer and pretzels abound. Couldn't be happier to be working with these dudes.

Cool venue in Philly. Ahhhh, a freight elevator AND loaders? You spoil us. Monstrously huge low end in the house PA, exceptionally gracious backstage, huge/near sold out crowd.

Somewhere today I ate something truly evil and about 15 mins before we hit the stage I knew trouble was coming. Sweats, nausea, headache, and exhaustion came crashing in outta nowhere… FUCK. The show was an absolute rager, but the whole time I'm concentrating on not puking/shitting my pants at the same time. Finished our set, ran to the bathroom, barfed my guts out, then back on stage for the encore. The rest of the night was a blur of bathroom runs, and pulling the van over to puke in a storm drain. Made it to a hotel at 5 AM for a brisk four feverish hours of sleep or so. "No, you may not have late check out." Thanks, asshole at Super 8. We won't be back. Total drag I was too out of it to give Nothing a proper goodbye as this was our last night with them. Killer band, great dudes and smooth sailing tour mates despite their truly harrowing party schedule. We will miss our new label mates super hard. March 28 in Richmond, Virginia at Strange Matter. Today's drive was a blur, in and out of sleep in the van. Long story short, loaded in then slept in the van ’til show time. Activated charcoal (borderline miraculous) and Pedialyte to the rescue and I was well on the mend within 36 hours. Strange Matter is a killer venue, and is actually the first out of town venue I played with Torche after I joined. Bummed I didn't get to chill longer inside and super bummed I missed Suppression's set. By all accounts, it was badass.
Treated exceptionally well by the staff as always. Brain seriously fogged so I'm sure I forgot a lot. March 29 in DC at DC9. Steve's birthday and the last night of the tour! I'm now all caught up, mellowing on a couch by a giant space heater in the green room. Sound guy is straight up loquacious, believe me, I know my own people. No offense, duder. This tour has been our best so far as a headline run. Can't thank everyone enough from our agent, to the promoters to the bands, to the bar tenders, loaders, fellow band mates, Wrong, Nothing, Relapse, everyone who put us up for the night and especially everyone who made it out to the shows. Thanks also to the readers of this fluffy tour diary. On the record, Rick realized today that all of us puked at least once on this tour except Santos. Which makes sense though because his powers are beyond our understanding. OK. Goodbye I'm going to sleep like Rip Van Winkle's dad until our May Euro tour.