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Music

Does Anyone Know What the Certified Slapper Playing on Paul Ryan's Capitol Snow Cam Is?

DJ Reckless Deregulation is here to change your impressions of him with the dopest mood mix of the week, all live streaming straight from the Capitol.

Paul Ryan (R-WI) is known to most Americans as a former candidate for Vice President and current Speaker of the House of Representatives. He's also known for his aggressive stances against government spending and in favor of running a country based on a famous series of fantasy novels. He is less known for dropping FIRE TRACKS. But never fear: DJ Reckless Deregulation is here to change your impressions of him with the dopest mood mix of the week, all live streaming straight from the Capitol on Paul Ryan's "Snowfall at the Capitol - LIVE" YouTube feed:

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Yes. The Speaker of the House is live-streaming a field where it's snowing, which would be boring as shit except for the fact that there is a smooth-groovin' soundtrack and WHOA THIS SHIT SLAPS. Although I consider my political stances to be pretty refined, it turns out I'm not the only person who has noticed this:

However, a few conspiracists have noticed something: It's just the same song playing over and over:

And as usual, people are demanding more accountability from their elected officials. Namely, everyone wants to know exactly what this certified slapper, which I can best describe as the type of generic funk groove that plays over 80s stock footage of people jogging, is:

For those too desperate to listen to other music to find an answer, at least one brave DJ has offered an alternative:

And while I do hope that somebody's music career gets its big break because people were lurking the Paul Ryan snow cam livestream comments feed, it does seem, really, as YouTube user DanMan2814 notes, there's only one likely outcome after listening to all this heat for long enough:

God bless America, one nation under PLUR. Will we ever find out what this slapper is, or will it, like the basic science of climate change in the eyes of Paul Ryan, remain a mystery forever? Find out by watching more and raving at speaker.gov/snow, all weekend long.

Follow Kyle Kramer on Twitter.