Advertisement
Music by VICE

Jennifer Lopez, Cats Boning, and Other Weird Shit Musicians Keep Faving on Twitter

I’m genuinely convinced they don’t realize we can actually see all this.

by Daisy Jones
21 March 2016, 2:30pm

You can learn a lot about your favorite musician on Twitter: whether they’re boring or lulz, whether they like having beef with other musicians, whether they’re too busy or important to update their own feed, or what they think about Kim Kardashian taking naked selfies. Of course, as I have recently discovered, it’s not just their tweets and retweets which are revealing, but the extensive treasure trove of their ‘likes’ too.

I’m genuinely convinced that some of these people don’t realise we can actually see what they’ve liked on Twitter. Or maybe they just don’t believe anybody would be lame enough to comb through—scrolling past weeks upon weeksuntil they find something that might elicit a raised eyebrow or a chuckle. But here's a newsflash, celeb world: I am lame enough. Once I’d gotten past all the likes bestowed upon gushing fan mentions, or photos of their own face, I found out that yes, some famous musicians have been liking some really weird shit. Weirder than you, I, or their publicist could ever imagine. Here’s what I discovered:

J-LO LIKED THIS PIC OF CATS HAVING SEX

I don’t know J-Lo personally, so I have no idea what she likes or dislikes, but if you’d asked me to hazard a guess, I would never, ever have landed upon “two cats fucking”. Also, if you want to know what the accompanying text says, it translates loosely from Portuguese to: “Holy shit! You said it was little!”

GERI HALLIWELL LIKED AN ARTICLE ABOUT LOSS OF SMELL

Something about Julie Bindel’s Guardian piece on that time she lost her sense of smell really struck a chord with Geri Halliwell, who was one of just 13 people to like it on Twitter. Although if you’ve ever been on Geri’s Instagram (which I have, on the regular) you’ll know that she spends 98 percent of her time baking cakes, so her terror at the thought of not being able to smell is understandable. Stay strong, Geri!

CHER LIKED THIS PIC OF ROCK FORMATIONS IN THE SHAPE OF ELEPHANTS

“Check out this amazing rock formation!” Somebody tweeted to Cher. “Thought of you as soon as i saw it!” Which seems odd, as of all the things I associate with Cher (perms, auto-tune, Vegas), rock formations are not one of them. But judging by how swiftly she smashed the ‘like’ button, I was wrong, and clearly do not know Cher at all.

GENE SIMMONS LIKED AN ARTICLE ABOUT THE ECONOMIC STATE OF A CHINESE JOCKEY CLUB

I thought this must have been a slip of the mouse until I did some Googling and realized that Gene Simmons is properly into horse racing. Here he is in America’s Best Racing after they named him ‘Racehorse lover of the week’ and here’s a video of him talking about how much he loves horse racing. Why he cares about the financial stability of this Hong Kong club in particular is not clear, but his racehorse love must know no bounds.

LILY ALLEN LIKED THIS ‘I HATE CHRIS MARTIN’ TWEET

The shade! The shade of it all! I don’t really need to explain this one as it kind of speaks for itself, but if you want to look a bit deeper into this tweet, maybe read this Noisey article that asks why everybody (including Lily Allen, apparently) hates Coldplay.

A$AP ROCKY LIKED THIS RANDOM PERSON’S BELFIE

I would never have the confidence to take a photo of my asscheeks and upload it to Twitter, but after seeing that I might be in with the chance of getting a "like" from my favorite A$AP, that could all be about to change. Prepare the parallel mirrors! (On a side note: this user didn't actually tag the official A$AP Rocky account, but the rapper still managed to find it and like it.)

LINDSAY LOHAN IS WELL INTO HER MANCHESTER CITY FC HIGHLIGHTS

So it turns out that Lindsay Lohan, New York child star turned chick flick icon, is just as into watching the footie as your dad is. If you don’t believe me, then here’s a video she liked about Man City’s main man David Silva. And if the thought of Lindsay watching goal highlights from her room in the Chateau Marmont isn’t weird enough, she also hit "like" on this piece on tax rates and brackets and also this article about the price of a Swiss watch. You go, Glen Coco!

JME FOLLOWS NOBODY AND ONLY EVER LIKES HIS OWN TWEETS

For most of us, Twitter is a way of connecting with other people. For JME, Twitter is a way of connecting with his inner self. Out of all 500 of JME’s Twitter likes, not a single cursory nod is directed towards anybody apart from himself. JME’s Twitter is essentially the online equivalent of that scene in Nil By Mouth where Ray Winston shouts at himself in the mirror (but with a few more gags and winks, and a bit less psychosis).

BOY GEORGE LIKED THIS LIST OF YOGA POSITIONS

If you ever wanted more solid proof that Boy George is the polar opposite of the heroin-smoking, prison-attending party boy that he was in the mid-80s, here he is dropping hearts on a bunch of yoga positions published in Men’s Health.

YUNG LEAN LIKED THIS PIC OF AN OLD WOMAN READING A GIANT BOOK

I don’t really understand the appeal of this image. I understand that the woman is really small or the books are really big, but, like, so what? I’m guessing Yung Lean was baked when he liked this pic, as when else would you bother?

MARIAH CAREY ALMOST EXCLUSIVELY LIKES COMPLIMENTS ABOUT HER OWN OUTFITS

Mariah Carey only liking compliments about what she’s wearing isn’t incongruous with the Mariah we all know and love. This is, after all, the same woman who had a live version of her song “Fantasy” played during the birth of her twins so that they could “hear the applause as they entered the world." I also heard that she has a private limo to take her dog to events. This is Mariah Carey, people.

You can follow Daisy on Twitter.